Upon a recent afternoon at work, I had a group of three middle-aged ladies enter the store and begin pawing through some of the quant gadgets and objets d’art that we have littered across the shelve. After a short while, one of the ladies happened upon a jigsaw puzzle that we sell that, when assembled, […]

As I slaved away at work today, a chap came in with a look of neutered interest, and began half-glancing at a few of the cards we had on the stands. ‘Let me know if you need a hand with anything,’ I said, met with a half-smile from him. He told me he had an […]

I’d spent the day in hospital at my ladyfriend’s bedside, but had to leave to catch the last train home. As I reached the platform, it pulled up and I realised that I was stood next to the ‘First Class’ carriage. I stared down the platform for a moment, to wonder if I could even […]

Because I can’t pull off ‘legitimately cool’, but I can totally pull off ‘quirky, pretentious idiot who probably finds it therapeutic to count things’.

His presence out of my window is making me depressed.

So my friend Charlie and I were discussing those Google App commercials where Google basically pretends that no one has even heard of Siri over the last couple of years, and makes out that asking your phone questions is still super amazing. The annoying thing, however, is that in the commercials, Google doesn’t seem to be directly answering the questions, which seems weird when you assume that google cherry picked these question/answer interactions for how well they sell the product. Like, the correct, direct answer to ‘Will I need an umbrella today?’ is not ‘Here’s today’s weather forecast.’, you dumb robot.

Anyway, this is the increasingly moronic series of text messages that Charlie and I sent to each other. I’ll do mine in bold, and Charlie’s in italic. Enjoy.

Continue reading

Here’s an unusual encounter that befell me yesterday. I was at work, quite quiet, very hot, when in walked a fully uniformed policeman. They occasionally make the rounds in my area, popping in just to say hello and reinforce their presence. This chap, however, was a little more memorable than many of his predecessors.

Continue reading