Bad guy: Are we finally ready to negotiate?
Good guy: Look, god, I’ll bring you the damn money, just please don’t hurt my family, please.
Bad guy: Very well. You have 8 hours.
Good guy: I, uh… 8 hours? Dude, it’s like a 10 hour drive just to get to you.
Bad guy: Oh, yeah. Uh, that could be a problem, huh.
Good guy: Sort of, yeah.
Bad guy: Umm, maybe catch a flight?
Good guy: You really think I can get a booking at this late notice? Can’t I just transfer the money to your, I don’t know, offshore Swiss bank account, or whatever.
Bad guy: Uhh, I’d really prefer cash, if that’s cool.
Good guy: Well, I’m sorry, but 8 hours is literally a no-can-do.
Bad guy: Do not test my –
Good guy: No, I just… seriously, it’s not actually possible.
Bad guy: Ugh, fine! You have 24 hours.
Good guy: 24 hours? And you want it in cash? Bro, I don’t think you’re thinking this through.
Bad guy: What? Why not?
Good guy: What day is it?
Bad guy: Uh, Saturday.
Good guy: Right. Know any banks open over the weekend?
Bad guy: Fuck.
Good guy: Yeah. Even 48 hours is pretty unlikely. Can you even withdraw this much out of a single account in one go?
Bad guy: I, uhh, I don’t… okay, maybe I am being a little unreasonable here.
Good guy: I mean… no, it’s just –
Bad guy: No, no, it’s cool, I’m sorry. Look, why don’t we just say 3 days, okay?
Good guy: Is that 3 business days or 3 regular days?
Bad guy: Oh, business days. I’m not, you know… I don’t want to be a dick about it.
Good guy: Okay, yeah, that’s great, that shouldn’t be a problem. So I’ll aim to get to you by, say, Tuesday evening, maybe Wednesday morning?
Bad guy: Yeah, and if anything goes wrong, just give me a shout and I’m sure we can work it out.
Good guy: Okay, I appreciate that. Cool.
Bad guy: Cool. And, uh, just remember, if you go to the police or anything, I’ll obviously –
Good guy: – kill my family?
Bad guy: Aaaah, you got it. Hah.
Good guy: Yeah, no worries. Alright, I’ll see you soon.
Bad guy: Cool, okay. See you in a bit.
*hangs up phone*