I hate people constantly over-describing themselves as ‘sarcastic’, as if it’s one of their main character traits. ‘Hi, I’m Felix. I’m 6’2″, dark-haired, sarcastic.’ You can’t just be sarcastic. Are you being sarcastic when you call yourself sarcastic, because you can’t identify your entire being as ‘sarcastic’ if what you mean is ‘I often, but not always, employ sarcasm when speaking.

Furthermore, why has it become so cool to be sarcastic, or rather, to advertise yourself as being sarcastic of late? Don’t get me wrong, I’m genuinely well-known for a liberal use of sarcasm, but I’d never list it as bloody character trait. Does it work with similes, or other kinds of rhetoric? ‘Hey, I’m Andy, and I’m super metaphorical.’, or ‘Hi, I’m Jess, and I often incorporate personification when discussing concepts like weather, time, or emotion.

Ugh, just shut your face. Just shut it. Just shut your entire face. Shut it like a trapdoor being slammed to the ground. Shut it like a bedroom door after a spousal argument. Shut it like a window when the neighbours are arguing and you’re trying to sleep. Just shut your god damn face.

Join the conversation! 3 Comments

  1. Mr Grumpy….. The last paragraph of this lovely piece was the icing on the cake… I smiled with my entire face!

  2. Hahahaha! well, nice one Grumpy


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About Felix O'Shea

Felix is a guy who isn't actually a writer, but calls himself one when he wants to try to impress gullible people.


Me complaining about stuff


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