Here’s an unusual encounter that befell me yesterday. I was at work, quite quiet, very hot, when in walked a fully uniformed policeman. They occasionally make the rounds in my area, popping in just to say hello and reinforce their presence. This chap, however, was a little more memorable than many of his predecessors.

He strolled in and gave me the usual ‘how’s the day going’ opener, and after an exchange of banal chit-chat, I made reference to the unusual heat wave that we were currently in the throes of, and let me tell you now, he wasn’t overly-enthused on the matter.

Here was a seemingly friendly policeman in my shop who was, I shit you not, swearing his fucking tits off.

‘Ah, this fucking weather. Sick of this shit. Sweating like an athlete’s asshole in this stupid fucking hat, and this jacket’s like a bloody duvet.’

Now don’t get me wrong, I wanted to do nothing else but laugh, but… I mean… he’s a cop. This is a weird thing to be happening, right? I wanted to be like ‘Yeah, it’s pretty shit, isn’t it?‘, but resisted in fear of getting a fine or something!

He stood before me, cursing existence for a few more minutes, before getting a call through his earpiece; at which point he polite uttered the immortal line ‘Well, mate; I’d love to stay and chat, but it sounds like some cunts are causing some shit that I’m probably gonna have to fucking deal with.’

Weirder, and weirder, and weirder.

Join the conversation! 3 Comments

  1. *LOL* I honestly don’t know what I would have said; I think I would have stuck with the silence is golden deal, too!!! Cher xo

  2. Well, that was really interesting and disturbing.

    Were you being punk’d? Was he real or some kind of heat mirage? That is awesome. I am loving picturing this nice policeman politely swearing his tits off.


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About Felix O'Shea

Felix is a guy who isn't actually a writer, but calls himself one when he wants to try to impress gullible people.


Weird things that somehow happen to me


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