Here’s an unusual encounter that befell me yesterday. I was at work, quite quiet, very hot, when in walked a fully uniformed policeman. They occasionally make the rounds in my area, popping in just to say hello and reinforce their presence. This chap, however, was a little more memorable than many of his predecessors.

He strolled in and gave me the usual ‘how’s the day going’ opener, and after an exchange of banal chit-chat, I made reference to the unusual heat wave that we were currently in the throes of, and let me tell you now, he wasn’t overly-enthused on the matter.

Here was a seemingly friendly policeman in my shop who was, I shit you not, swearing his fucking tits off.

‘Ah, this fucking weather. Sick of this shit. Sweating like an athlete’s asshole in this stupid fucking hat, and this jacket’s like a bloody duvet.’

Now don’t get me wrong, I wanted to do nothing else but laugh, but… I mean… he’s a cop. This is a weird thing to be happening, right? I wanted to be like ‘Yeah, it’s pretty shit, isn’t it?‘, but resisted in fear of getting a fine or something!

He stood before me, cursing existence for a few more minutes, before getting a call through his earpiece; at which point he polite uttered the immortal line ‘Well, mate; I’d love to stay and chat, but it sounds like some cunts are causing some shit that I’m probably gonna have to fucking deal with.’

Weirder, and weirder, and weirder.