A couple of ladies came in to the store today and, after a brief stretch of milling around the shelves, one of them came up to the counter to pay for something. As she did, she brazenly asked me if I was single. I smiled and told her that I unfortunately wasn’t. She then told me that she wasn’t asking for herself, but for her step-daughter who had been in several weeks before, and apparently had taken a bit of a liking to me. She asked me if I remembered the girl after offering only the description of ‘she has brown hair’.

Oh, sure. Her. The brown haired girl from several weeks ago, I remember.

Now, not deterred by my initial response, she then went on a sort of weird spiel about how I must have liked her aforementioned step-daughter because I had smiled at her (like I do with every single other customer, because it’s my job), and then she asked how serious it was with my girlfriend, to which I responded by telling her that most relationships tend to be pretty serious after six years. Again, not put off, her legitimate response was ‘Oh, so there probably isn’t any wiggle room… is there?’

She actually asked, like, inquisitively, not just rhetorically.

She then got out her phone and showed me what seemed to be a good ten minutes worth of candid pictures of the poor girl, meanwhile I’m trying to be all polite and nice and I’m saying ‘Well, she’s very pretty, and I’d certainly ask you to pass on my number if it was available!’, all the while wondering if this was some sort of sting operation, given that the girl looked about sixteen years old.

This went on for a good ten minutes. She started doing that weird thing that people do where they say ‘I’m probably just embarrassing or annoying you now’, but whilst continuing to do the thing that they themselves are saying must be embarrassing or annoying. I made a few ‘This kind of thing happens to me all the time’ jokes and asked her to pass on my regards and apologies, before the other lady literally dragged the first lady out of the shop saying ‘You’re so horrible, I can’t believe you, she’s going to be mortified!’

So there you go, overbearing step-mother clearly wants her 16 year old step-daughter out of the house.

Although on the bright side, at least I know I’ve still got it… sort of, for 16 year old girls, at least.

Whatever, I’ll take it.

Join the conversation! 3 Comments

  1. Well, you’ve past the worst step: you are step-mother approved!

  2. Why is it so hard for some women to accept the words “I have a girlfriend.”
    She sounds like the b’tch that kept emailing my boyfriend.

  3. This is hilarious! Don’t you wish sometimes you could really just say what’s on your mind? Like, “Ya, along with the hundreds of other brunettes that walk into the store…did she have a grotesquely unique birthmark that may have made her stand out, though?” or how about, “ya, of course I smiled…it’s a sort of involuntary tick which actually has come in handy given that my boss requires me to be pleasant with every-single-customer.” But like the comment above says, at least you’re step-mom approved!


Leave me your thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

About Felix O'Shea

Felix is a guy who isn't actually a writer, but calls himself one when he wants to try to impress gullible people.


Weird things that somehow happen to me


, , , , , , , , , ,