The white businessman goes in for a black handshake; the black businessman goes in for a normal handshake. The world holds its breath. Everyone stands in silence, waiting to see what’ll happen. … … THEY LAUGH AND FIST BUMP. RACISM IS OVER. EVERYONE CHEERS AND RUNS INTO THE STREETS. NELSON MANDELA SILENTLY WIPES A TEAR […]
After months of waiting in the lonely mire of medieval England, the elated young Duke finally received word from his distant beloved. A letter; a reply, no doubt, to the words he’d sent out many moons before, delivered via carrier pigeon. He opened it with haste. ‘Mmm… then what, baby?’
Zombie Dentist You seriously want to put your finger in one of those mouths? Good luck, Einstein. Pigeon Loan Shark Oh they’ll take your money, because they like shredding up paper for their nests, but good luck explaining compound interest or the value of currency to a bird, you lunatic. You want it back? You’re […]
So… You’ve awoken to a post apocalyptic world. Everyone’s gone. The houses are all abandoned, the cars have rolled to a stop in the middle of the street. Here’s what you do.
[start] Roll opening production company credits. The picture fades in. We’re in deep space. A cluster of rocks floats lifelessly; the remains of planet Earth after some sort of climactic event. Everything’s gone, and everyone’s dead. The camera slowly pans around the debris for approximately two hours, before the screen fades to black. The whole […]
Me: You are so not even a real pirate, are you! Somalian Pirate: I so am! Me: Oh, yeah? Quick. What’s your pirate name? Somalian Pirate: I… uhh… Adam? Me: HA! I rest my case. Somalian Pirate: Little man. I kill you now. Me: Yeah? What’re you gonna do, Captain No-beard? Stab me with your […]
[Liam Neeson’s character (Brian) is on the phone to his daughter (Kim), seeing that his ex-wife is being held by armed antagonists] Brian: Listen to me carefully, Kim. Your mother is going to be taken. Kim: Dad, wait. Don’t you mean… twoken? Brian: Yes, Kim. Twoken. [both characters look directly at camera] [cut to black] […]
I was working the bar last night, and towards closing time, a young lady came up to order. She had some cool bright red top, a funky owl necklace, cute wavy blonde hair, and a very friendly face. She was the kind of person who makes you think “Yeah, we could totally be friends.”
Continue reading
Share this with other humans
Bobo got back to the tree after a long, hard day in the jungle. He wearily climbed the vines and entered his living room, exhausted. He saw his wife, bubbles, in the kitchen. The somber clanking of pots and pans couldn’t have drowned out the sound of his arrival, and yet she didn’t turn to […]
--- Grumpy Comments --- 