I know what you’re all thinking…

“There just isn’t enough hard, sweaty, brooding, overly masculine, strong-jawed men in the Fast and Furious franchise!”

Well don’t worry, guys… they brought in The Rock for the newest instalment to add a bit of realistic manliness to the effeminate, and apparently never ending, movie chain.

Look at them. It’s like they see your undefined stomach muscles, your family-friendly people carrier, your weekend gardening rituals, your respect for women and people weaker than you, your dull office job, your compromising and monogamous relationship, and your love of reading in bed on a saturday night…

… and they fucking hate you for it.

Look in Vin Diesel’s eyes. He knows you can do better. He sees you apologising to your wife for being out late… and Paul Walker? He just heard you agree to do some ironing. Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is watching you mow the lawn, and he isn’t happy. Ludacris smirks while you do the washing up, like a little bitch… and Tyrese over on the right? He just watched you beat your wife to death in a delusional attempt to live up to the masculine stereotype being forced down your throat, and he’s saying “Don’t you dare cry, boy. Don’t you dare.”

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About Felix O'Shea

Felix is a guy who isn't actually a writer, but calls himself one when he wants to try to impress gullible people.

Category

A few of my better posts, Random rubbish that I can't think of a category for

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