February 23, 2012

Chris Evans’s Penis

Okay, this has been annoying me for a while now, so I need to get it out.

In the 2010 film ‘The Losers‘, there is a tech-nerd soldier character, portrayed by everyone’s favourite ‘guy who does loads of comic book movies‘, Chris Evans. About half way into the movie, after we’ve already established Mr Evans’ character’s typical arrogant, cocky persona, there’s a scene in which he is having to hurriedly change his disguise whilst in an elevator. As is textbook for a pseudo-comedic Hollywood film, the doors inevitably open the second he removes his trousers and, for some reason, his underwear (for real though, why the underwear?). As Mr Evans looks up in shock, standing before him are four rather attractive and provocatively dressed young ladies, presumably who work in the building he’s unsuccessfully trying to covertly infiltrate. A brief pause ensues as everyone looks at one another: the genitally exposed Chris Evans, and the curious hoards of apparent bimbos; and then, just as we expect the screaming to begin, something rather strange happens.

The ladies all smile flirtatiously at him.

Now, even if the handsome Chris Evans has the best looking penis on the planet (and come on, have you seen him in literally anything? I bet he totally does), I find it somewhat unrealistic that any youngish girl would see a man in the public office elevator, with a tee shirt on and his pants around his ankles, and be turned on by it. It’s just not what would happen. They would scream and run away and report it to security and he would be put on the Sex Offenders Register and be charged with public indecency, and all of that would probably definitely throw a spanner into his work as a currently-on-assignment secret agent mercenary guy.

But no, they all smile at him, and glance at his exposed flaccid penis (which, by the way, is pronounced ‘flack-sid‘ and not ‘flass-id‘, honestly look it up), and bite their lips and wink, and he just stands there, looking all proud of himself and smiles back, and then the lift doors cheekily close themselves.

So apparently, in the land of movies, no one would see a man exposing himself in such a fashion and think, ‘Hey, this guy might be a sick pervert or have some mental disorder. I should probably leave the immediate area and alert someone of authority,’ because they’d be far too busy thinking ‘Damn! Look at that dude’s junk! Public indecency or not, I hope he’s getting off on my floor!’

Yeah, a super likely scenario. Or maybe it actually is. Who knows? He’s Captain America.

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Join the conversation! 19 Comments

  1. I hate when I have to cancel my fantasies because they don’t have plausible and coherent internal logic. I mean, is there a universe where I wouldn’t find myself in a cab with Angelina Jolie and have her offer fellatio?

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  2. Right! I don’t want to live in a universe where these things don’t happen.

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  3. If it was me they would laugh and point.

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  4. I never thought I would like Chris Evans’ penis

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  5. So dude, while we’re on the topic of nudity and stuff. I want to tell you that I’ve nominated you for an award. You don’t strike me as the kind of guy that’s really into excessive praise but sorry, you got it. And while the Award picture is of a woman in the shower, don’t feel intimidated. It isn’t just for chicks. Anyway, I hope you check it out.

    Its the TMI Blog Award!!! (And when I say nominate, it means you got it. I was very confused by this to start with. LOL). Check out the details here…http://modernwomansociety.wordpress.com/2012/02/24/blog-luuuurve-tmi-blog-award/

    Reply
  6. I’d roll my eyes and tell him “go find some dignity” … wait this actually happened.

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  7. see, I watched the Losers today and I think when the elevator opens and the women are there looking at him, his pants are indeed down, but he is in boxer briefs, albeit tighter than maybe one would like, still covering up said member flacid or not. I think it’s the package in the briefs they are approving of. That said, yes, I agree, he’s proven he can make bank for a movie studio without said dropping trou all the time, so anytime he wants to stop, the sooner, the better, and just rely on his actual acting skills, and hopefully sooner rather, than later is fine with me.

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  8. Jensen doesn’t take his underwear off. Somebody’s seeing what they want to see.

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    • I just re-watched it, and there are no pants in sight! He even makes a comment about “the angle of the dangle”!

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      • This is a ridiculous conversation. Just so that’s out there. That said, still funny. So, when he’s undoing his shorts, you can see the black waistband of his undies, but when he pulls the red shorts down, there are no black undies down there as well. He makes the “dangle” comment, tries to smile then shakes his head “no” and then you can see he’s still wearing the black undies when he goes to put on the khaki pants.

        Although, granted, the idea that all of the women would be into it is a stretch, even though he fills out that underarmor shirt really well. But you’ll notice, despite the looks of interest, none of them make a move to get in the elevator with him.

        Reply
  9. I like all of this post. And for this reason( and others) I’ve tagged you! Check out my latest post to see the deets- http://breezyk.wordpress.com

    Reply
  10. The only kind of staring I would be doing is in shock. I certainly wouldn’t find a strange man standing in a public place naked remotely alluring by any stretch of the imagination. What an odd thing for them to think would happen…

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  11. I’ve seen similar things… But I’m not a bimbo so I can’t speak to their reaction. Mine was to laugh my hole off.

    Reply
  12. winking and biting the lips? yeah, that wouldnt happen…unless it was chase crawford :D

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  13. That certainly never happened to me when I got my cock out in an elavator…

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  14. Ahhh… the fantasy world of Hollywood… goes far beyond mine.

    Reply
  15. This is true and hilarious. I would definitely feel sorry for the guy rather than charging him with public indecency though. I mean, I change on the beach all the time, and sometimes something is er… exposed. It doesn’t turn me on, it’s just embarrassing. Unfortunately, it also doesn’t cause every struggling, muscle-bound hollywood film actor lying around perfecting their tan to throw themselves at my feet and begin licking their way towards me… oh. gotta go.

    Reply
  16. I think this blog post needs a screen shot of said penis. ;-)

    Reply
  17. This was a funny blog. Never heard of him, or have any idea what movie y’all are talkin’ about, but very funny just the same.

    Reply

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About Felix O'Shea

Felix is a guy who isn't actually a writer, but calls himself one when he wants to try to impress gullible people.

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Me complaining about stuff

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