I was strolling through town a couple of days ago, pretending I wasn’t late for work, when I came across an unusual sight. There was a young lady who looked no older than maybe twelve or thirteen. She had giant sunglasses and a backwards cap, a ‘top’ that was barely more than a bra (I think it’s called a ‘boob tube’ or something)’ and a pair of shorts that she had fashioned by cutting the legs of some jeans. Now the thing that struck me about the jean-shorts was that the desperate girl had cut them so short that her pocket linings were clearly hanging down her thighs.
This isn’t a rant about how twelve year olds shouldn’t be forced into the mindset of having to dress provocatively at their age; I’ve done that shtick before (see here), this is just about how badly I can’t reconcile what I consider to look acceptable, with what other people wear…
This article has the added bonus of containing a back story!
Share this with other humans
FELIX: We should have a chat again sometime, Ian. About, uhh… I don’t know, anything. The Egyptian revolution.
IAN: Fuck’s sake. Not all that. Sphinx an’ Pyramids an’ shit. What came first, the sand or the stone?
FELIX: Yup, that’ll do. That’s the Egyptian revolution covered.
Share this with other humans
I was serving a kindly old man at the bar today. He had come for lunch, as he has often done since his wife died recently. He’s probably near 90 and, despite his frailty, is always very nice and polite and funny. Today when he came, there was a little boy screaming and shouting in […]
Felix: Okay… Here’s one. If you could travel through time and space, to be anywhere in the world, at any point in history, where and when would you go?
Ian: Good question.
Felix: And you will of course have to elaborate on your answer.
Ian: Okay. The start of the universe.
Felix: Uhh… Why?
Ian: See the big ka-boom-boom.
Felix: How… But if you go back to before there was a universe; where would you be existing?
Ian: Well, I’d just pop over to see it, and then pop back.
Felix: But you’d die…
Ian: Not if I was in the Tardis from Doctor Who.
Continue reading
Share this with other humans
Okay, this has been annoying me for a while now, so I need to get it out.
In the 2010 film ‘The Losers‘, there is a tech-nerd soldier character, portrayed by everyone’s favourite ‘guy who does loads of comic book movies‘, Chris Evans. About half way into the movie, after we’ve already established Mr Evans’ character’s typical arrogant, cocky persona, there’s a scene in which he is having to hurriedly change his disguise whilst in an elevator. As is textbook for a pseudo-comedic Hollywood film, the doors inevitably open the second he removes his trousers and, for some reason, his underwear (for real though, why the underwear?). As Mr Evans looks up in shock, standing before him are four rather attractive and provocatively dressed young ladies, presumably who work in the building he’s unsuccessfully trying to covertly infiltrate. A brief pause ensues as everyone looks at one another: the genitally exposed Chris Evans, and the curious hoards of apparent bimbos; and then, just as we expect the screaming to begin, something rather strange happens.
Share this with other humans
What has happened to her face? That’s the front page headline I saw when a co-worker handed me the newspaper yesterday. It’s no secret how much I loath the British tabloids (as posts like ‘Why I can’t look at The Sun‘ and ‘The Anatomy of The Brain (of a Tabloid Reader)‘ will tell you), but this particular case seems to be extremely low on the integrity scale, even by their warped, money-grubbing, sensationalising standards.
Share this with other humans
Becky is away in Manchester for the night, so, being the piece of shit that I am, I decided to get some Thai takeaway from the place next door that I never go to, instead of cooking something I already have at home. Anyway, I walk up to the counter, “Hi, how are you? Blah blah blah, food please!” (I didn’t literally say that of course, but you get the gist), and the lady smiles, giggles a bit, and walks round the corner to the kitchen. All of a sudden, I hear her saying stuff in Thai, and it’s followed by an uproar of laughter from however many people were standing around the corner. She comes back a second later, looking at me and holding back her giggling, and then starts doing some busy work behind the counter.
Already fucking awkward.
Share this with other humans
I tend to actually go on buses less than annually these days, but on a mandatory trip to Ambleside today, I noticed something a bit weird.
Everyone one I saw, seemed to be their own stereotype. And they all sat in a perfect chronological order.
Share this with other humans
I barely know where to start with this. My day has just been insane. I guess I should do a quick recap to (try to) make it make any sense to anyone reading… Although I doubt I’ll have too much luck as it makes fuck all sense to me, and I was there!
Basically, the bar I work at has had its busiest week in the 7 or 8 years of its existence. I started the day on my 12th 12 hour shift in a row with only one day off somewhere in the middle, no time to eat, drink or rest in any way and as someone who already has severe life-long insomnia, I can barely articulate my exhaustion, but can attempt to summarise it by saying “I am fucked.” Although to be honest, I’m probably too tired to even finished the word, so “I am fu…” may be more appropriate.
Reaching, and crossing, breaking point about half a week ago, I have been tip-toeing the line between mild confusion brought on by severe fatigue, and what a doctor may refer to as “a full blown fuck-tacular breakdown”…
So you can imagine my surprise when Miss Havisham came to the bar.
--- Grumpy Comments --- 