Becky is away in Manchester for the night, so, being the piece of shit that I am, I decided to get some Thai takeaway from the place next door that I never go to, instead of cooking something I already have at home. Anyway, I walk up to the counter, “Hi, how are you? Blah blah blah, food please!” (I didn’t literally say that of course, but you get the gist), and the lady smiles, giggles a bit, and walks round the corner to the kitchen. All of a sudden, I hear her saying stuff in Thai, and it’s followed by an uproar of laughter from however many people were standing around the corner. She comes back a second later, looking at me and holding back her giggling, and then starts doing some busy work behind the counter.

Already fucking awkward.

Next, someone else, another young Thai girl, leans out from around the corner, looks straight at me, smiles, slowly and creepily slinks back out of sight, maintaining eye contact as she goes, and then I hear more laughter. This time it goes on for ages. Soon after, another person, this one a middle aged Thai guy, does the same thing in the same weird manner, and once more the laughter begins.

Now, even if I weren’t an emotionally fragile and psychologically crippled ball of fear, self-consciousness, and perpetual discomfort when out in public… Which I am… That would still make me feel like I had walked in with a shit-smear moustache on my face, and the words “I wAnt maKe FRends” written across my forehead.

Eventually, I was given my food, paid up, and got the fuck out of there, left to ponder, presumably for the rest of my life, just what in the fuck just happened exactly!?

I’m never leaving my flat again…

Join the conversation! 11 Comments

  1. So, did you look in a mirror? Find anything odd? D: Sounds crazy!

  2. Not that I’m laughing at you….but you did provide me with much entertainment reading this. Plus, its a Monday. And I think its hard to find anything amusing on a Monday.

    I also noticed you’re following me…thank you!!! Hope I can keep you entertained. :)

  3. Are you sure it was a restaurant, and not just your SE-Asian neighbours?

  4. I had that happen to me in a Salvadorean place once . . . and I still have no idea what was so funny.

  5. Maybe you looked like someone they all knew :)


  6. I would have put my manners to the side, and asked one of those rude assholes point-blank in a dead serious tone, “What’s so fuckin’ funny?” Of course, I am from New York … But you know what? Their laughter would have ended instantly. Try it next time, Felix. Turn the tables on your dipshit tormentors.

  7. Oh, I hate that shit: what a bunch of rude cunts!

  8. Next time, go in wearing some sort of ridiculous costume but keep a straight face. Then you own the moment. Or learn how to say “Very funny. Should I visit the health inspector or the INS (or your equivalent) next?” in Thai.

    I’m surprised you got in without a Thai.

  9. Are you sure it was a restaurant…?

  10. Just found your blog through Kelly Cautillo’s. This post made me laugh. Thanks!


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About Felix O'Shea

Felix is a guy who isn't actually a writer, but calls himself one when he wants to try to impress gullible people.


Weird things that somehow happen to me


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