Doc: Brace yourself, Marty. When this baby hits 88 miles per hour… You’re going to see some serious shit. Police: Doctor Emmett Brown; stop the vehicle. We have reason to believe you have stolen nuclear materials on board. Doc: Holy shit, Marty! Get in! Marty: Woah, Doc. What’s going on? Doc: Come on, just get […]
I have my opener worked out. I’d walk out onto the stage totally naked, just with my hands covering my crotch-area. I’d act really unsure and confused, and I’d stand there for a few seconds until everyone went quiet. Then, with a look of stupid realisation on my face, I’d say: “Ooohh… Picture the audience […]
I bet some of you haven’t even thought of your Top Five Awesome Science Facts of The Day, but help is at hand, because I’ve done the leg work for you, and your Awesome Science Facts are being brought straight to your screen. So, without further delay:
The year is 2012. The ancient Mayans famously predicted that the world would end. I’ll never know what I was going to be when I got older. They said that on the 21st of December, we would all die. It’s sad, but it’s true. Everyone, this is the last year we have to live our […]
After I wrote a joke on my Twitter involving the word ‘aeroplane‘, I received a response from one of my followers, politely informing me that it was in fact correctly spelled ‘airplane‘. Obviously I was very cordial in then informing them that ‘airplane‘ was the Americanised spelling of the word, and they conceded that “there is an exception if you are British.”, although frankly, that should certainly be the other way around!
Anyway, I bring this up not to have a go at someone misguidedly trying to correct my spelling, but rather at what it made me think about afterwards. I hate to admit it, especially since most of my followers are American, but there is and has always been in Britain, this ever-present stereotype that Americans are stupid; just as American television suggests that Americans hold a stereotype that British people are pompous wimps with bad teeth; it’s fine, those with an opinion that actually matter are usually smart enough to understand the fallacy in negative stereotypes.
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The world harbours an infinite range of viewpoints regarding the morality of the execution of criminals nowadays, but as we all know, many ancient civilisations held no such concern for the human rights of their wrongdoers. There are many famous forms of execution, barbaric and gruesome, that I need not go into. However, in satiating my curiosity for obscure history today, I stumbled upon a most creative and symbolic method, of what is ultimately the termination of a man’s life.
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I tend to actually go on buses less than annually these days, but on a mandatory trip to Ambleside today, I noticed something a bit weird.
Everyone one I saw, seemed to be their own stereotype. And they all sat in a perfect chronological order.
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Okay… so you all remember the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: the campy cartoons, and slightly-less-campy comics, about the anthropomorphic warrior turtles with their rat master, Splinter, right? And do you all remember the primary antagonist of the franchise: the evil samurai looking chap ominously referred to as ‘Shredder‘? Well for those of you that do, but aren’t sure as to just what became of Mr ‘Shredder’, I would like to inform you of something:
The Turtles decapitated him.
This isn’t like Sonic the Hedgehog, where Dr Robotnik gets a bonk on the head; nor is it Mario, where Bowser simply gets kicked off screen while vicious sociopath Mario tries to garner an appreciation fuck out of the traumatised princess. This is the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…
… and when you fuck with them, they cut your fucking head off.
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Herein lies a list of silly hypothetical questions; the kind of tedious, banal, utterly pointless questions that you had really ought to get used to if ever you intend to spend more than roughly four minutes in my immediate vicinity (not that you would).
Also, feel free to leave any comments and/or answers and justifications, as well as more questions, in the section below… because it’s not like you, or any of the other folks who would bother reading this, have anything better to do.
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I know what you’re all thinking…
“There just isn’t enough hard, sweaty, brooding, overly masculine, strong-jawed men in the Fast and Furious franchise!”
Well don’t worry, guys… they brought in The Rock for the newest instalment to add a bit of realistic manliness to the effeminate, and apparently never ending, movie chain. Continue reading
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