Herein lies a list of silly hypothetical questions; the kind of tedious, banal, utterly pointless questions that you had really ought to get used to if ever you intend to spend more than roughly four minutes in my immediate vicinity (not that you would).
Also, feel free to leave any comments and/or answers and justifications, as well as more questions, in the section below… because it’s not like you, or any of the other folks who would bother reading this, have anything better to do.
1. Who would you rather fight: a lion, but you’re armed with a sword; or two bears, but you have a handgun with only two bullets?
2. If you had a boyfriend or girlfriend who was great in every way and fantastic in bed, would you be able to overcome the fact that during sex, they scream the word ‘porpoise’ in shortening intervals until they climax?
3. For the straight guys: If you hadn’t had sex in ages, and a male friend somehow managed to magically swap his mind and consciousness into the body of an extremely attractive girl, and he offered you to ‘have a go’ on it… would you?
4. Would you sooner kill a dog with a hammer, than lick a corpse’s face for ten solid minutes?
5. Would you rather lose a hand and only be allowed to attach a hook to the stump, or have no nose whatsoever and never be allowed to get a false plastic surgery nose?
6. Eat a lightbulb or drink a pint of clean, disease-free human blood?
7. Would you rather lose £100, or be given £10 million and have to set it all on fire and watch it burn?
8. What would you rather lose: one finger or two toes?
9. Would you rather eat only one meal every three days of whatever you want, and only peanuts in between to keep you alive; or eat whatever you want, whenever, but have no sense of taste?
10. Would you rather lose sight in one eye, or have to eat both of someone else’s?
11. Would you rather have six fingers, or thirteen fingers (and yes, I do count thumbs as fingers, smart ass)?
12. Would you rather drink a pint of clean human blood, or half a pint of clean horse blood? Side note: They are both mammals, so there really isn’t any difference, biologically speaking, but… come on… it’s horse blood. Gross.
13. Would you rather have pig’s ears or a cow’s nose?
14. Would you rather have one human sized frog leg, or one human size badger arm?
15. Would you rather have it so that all clothes are invisible on you to yourself (but with one mirror in your bedroom with which to sort yourself out) but you appear normal to everyone else, or have it so that 50% of all the people you see every day will appear naked to you.
16. And a gross one to finish us off: would you rather have to watch your parents have sex every other day for the rest of their lives, or join in just once and then put it all behind you.