I was moving around some boxes in the shop storeroom out back when I heard a faint ‘hello’. I came round to the front of the store and saw, already leaving, a uniformed police officer. This is what he said: ‘Hello! Sorry, don’t mind me, I’m just saying “hello”. I’m Yurgen. It’s what I do. […]

I’m super sick, you guys. All flu-ey and shit. Anyway, I emerged from my bed/hovel to get some food, knowing that I’m not well enough to leave the house to buy any (even though I still have to go to work in a couple of hours), and managed to find three eggs. That’s all. Literally, […]

We did some photo-shoots recently as a favour to a friend who runs a photography studio and needed someone for a class to take pictures of. We begged for it not to be too lame and ‘Now stare into each others eyes…‘-ish, but luckily it wasn’t too bad. So, without much further delay (notice that I’m stalling because I feel stupid), I present some not-at-all embarrassing pictures of Becky and I looking serious.

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I know, right? Sounds weird? It’s true. I think it’s the hair and the necklaces or whatever, but at least once a shift when I’m working on the bar, someone will say ‘Hey, man! Are you in a band? You look like you’re in band! I bet you’re in a band!’, and I have to […]

A lady came up to the counter in the shop I’m working at today. I was having a sip from my water bottle as she approached, and I didn’t see her in front of me, my head being tilted back. As I leaned forward again, I saw her there and, for some reason, tried saying […]

Let’s get one thing straight: you should always avoid standard public transportation. Get a car, ride a bike, use your actual human walking legs, I’d even grudgingly allow you to set foot on a bus, for god’s sake, but whatever you do, just make your way to your destination without having to set foot on a train. So fraught with danger and unpleasant tension are they, that if one is foolish, or desperate, enough to utilise them, they must take the most precise and delicate of precautions to remain anonymous, lest you breathe at someone the wrong way and have your peaceful carriage become the setting for a reenactment of the shoot out scene in Leonardo DiCaprio’s mansion from the movie Django Unchained.

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A few handy hints for the on-the-go traveller who is far too busy (being an important, big shot man/woman-about-town, no doubt) to make time for the dreary underling, the tedious former associate, or the slightly mental, and (as you’ve just remembered) weirdly clingy ex-partner. Continue reading

She questioned how I was so unable to see the ‘evidence of god’ all around me. She kept using the word ‘blind’. I hadn’t started the conversation. I was polite and respectful, even though she wasn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against religious people in general, agree to disagree; but this girl was […]

Okay, let’s break this down a little. It’s mostly a blur of endlessly discussing which body of water, be it pool, beach, other pool, or other beach, to lie beside; but I shall try to jot down a loose itinerary of my two weeks in St Lucia. One thing that you can take as a given on each and every day is that several Rastafarians would demand that we fist bump them (and then offer us drugs), and several over-enthusiastic bartenders would satiate us with an inexhaustible supply of rum punches that were slightly stronger than pure gasoline. The endless photos will be around soon (mostly of topless people who probably shouldn’t be topless), but until then, here’s the gist of what we got up to.

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So I’m chillin’ on the beach, striding through the calm water, and all of a sudden, this giant, friendly wave was all like, ‘Hey, bro! Let’s hang out!’, and I was like, ‘Sure, man. What’s up?’, and he was all like, ‘Have you met my buddies, these sharp, jagged rocks?’, and then he smashed my […]