So I’m chillin’ on the beach, striding through the calm water, and all of a sudden, this giant, friendly wave was all like, ‘Hey, bro! Let’s hang out!’, and I was like, ‘Sure, man. What’s up?’, and he was all like, ‘Have you met my buddies, these sharp, jagged rocks?’, and then he smashed my face into them, dragged me across them, pulled my legs over my head (twisting my neck), bashed my knee, cut my wrist, stuffed sand up my nose, somersaulted me twice, and shaved off half my face.
On the plus side. It’s super easy to get drunk with a concussion and whiplash pain meds.