Me: You are so not even a real pirate, are you! Somalian Pirate: I so am! Me: Oh, yeah? Quick. What’s your pirate name? Somalian Pirate: I… uhh… Adam? Me: HA! I rest my case. Somalian Pirate: Little man. I kill you now. Me: Yeah? What’re you gonna do, Captain No-beard? Stab me with your […]

It’s something I’ve thought about a lot before. Do you know that feeling when you tell a joke that you think is really clever, only to be met by the cold silence of people who didn’t understand it?

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[Liam Neeson’s character (Brian) is on the phone to his daughter (Kim), seeing that his ex-wife is being held by armed antagonists] Brian: Listen to me carefully, Kim. Your mother is going to be taken. Kim: Dad, wait. Don’t you mean… twoken? Brian: Yes, Kim. Twoken. [both characters look directly at camera] [cut to black] […]

I’ll tell you right from the start: You guys are going to be so disappointed by that title.

As you may know, I’ve been away for a week in the south of France. A lot happened, there are a tonne of cool pictures to sort through, and I’ll get to it all in time. I thought I’d quickly share one particular highlight with you now, however… but just to warn you: it’s fucking disgusting.

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Doc: Brace yourself, Marty. When this baby hits 88 miles per hour… You’re going to see some serious shit. Police: Doctor Emmett Brown; stop the vehicle. We have reason to believe you have stolen nuclear materials on board. Doc: Holy shit, Marty! Get in! Marty: Woah, Doc. What’s going on? Doc: Come on, just get […]

I don’t often speak up when confronted, or witnessing a confrontation, from an outside instigator, but when I do; boy, does my quick wit show them… So, some assholes came up to the bar at closing time last night. This is what happened. Asshole 1: What time do you close tonight? Co-worker: About five minutes, […]

This is a story about a boy named Alexander Green.

Alexander really wanted to be a goth. Lots of boys at his school were goth kids and he thought they were very cool. He would often try to hang out with them, but they told him to go away because of his apparent love of conformity and rules. They told him that he didn’t understand. Ironically, Alexander didn’t understand what it was that he was being accused of not understanding.

One day, Alexander decided to become a goth.

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