I got home from work today to find my 22 year old girlfriend watching children’s TV show, Charlie and Lola, so being the easily amused dullard that I am; I, also 22, decided to watch it with her; and yes, of course I was bound to find something amidst the bright colours and soft voices that would irritate me into writing something to post here, for you all to see, and hopefully validate, my anger.

In the particular episode that most inspired my rancour, older brother Charlie had specifically pleaded against little sister Lola playing with his special rocket that he had built. It was a giant rocket model that had taken him days to complete, and earned him first prize in a school competition. He graciously allowed her to play with any of his other toys while he was out, but made Lola “triple, quadruple promise” not to touch the rocket. So, off Charlie goes to play football outside, and in pops Soren Lorensen, Lola’s imaginary friend. It isn’t long before Soren Lorensen tells Lola that the only way to get their toy elephant back to ‘Animal Land’, was to put it in Charlie’s rocket. Crash, bang… The rocket is predictably broken by the mischievous little girl. Charlie soon arrives home and is very cross with Lola, but she (under the advisement of Soren Lorensen) denies having any involvement in the rocket’s destruction. After a series of implausible lies to Charlie, only making him more angry, Lola eventually tells the truth, and he kindly forgives her.

Right. So all of that pissed me off. I’m the kind of person who is very protective of his possessions. If I lend you a DVD, I expect it back in perfect condition. If you borrow my iPad, you better bloody well have clean fingers. So after watching Charlie plead with Lola to not touch his rocket, I would have been fucking livid were I in his position. He said she could use any of his other toys. He didn’t need to make such a kind offer, but he did. He had only one rule, and that was to stay the fuck away from his fucking rocket. And who exactly is this horrible imaginary friend, coaxing her not only into betraying Charlie’s trust, but also into then lying to him repeatedly about it. Is he really just an imaginary friend, or is he some terrifying apparition, a poltergeist that haunts Lola under the guise of friendship, meanwhile corrupting her actions to everyone else’s misfortune.

A funny side note is that about thirty seconds into the episode, I could see that parallels between this story, and the fable of the Garden of Eden. As the story goes, God tells Eve that she can have whatever she wants from the garden, with the sole exception of the fruit from the forbidden tree. However, along comes the serpent and tempts her into betraying this solitary commandment, and upon finding out, God’s supposed punishment is not only severe to them, but to every other person who will ever live, for all of time… So what’s the deal with Charlie forgiving her in the end? Is he better than this fictional deity? If I were a Christian, I’d see that as almost an attack on God’s petty anger. Charlie got over it, and he’s like eight years old, so why can’t God take it easy on them?
And another thing, what kind of lesson is this for kids? She disobeyed his wishes, fucked up his special, beloved, award winning rocket, lied about it about ten times, finally tells the truth and is immediately forgiven, receiving no punishment or disciplinary action whatsoever. Now, I’m sorry… But if I were him, I would have fucking lost my cool with that little shit!

But then I remembered that it was a kid’s TV show, and suddenly all was well.

Then again, if my hypothetical children were ever to do something like that… Well let’s just say my actions would better reflect God in the ‘Garden of Eden’ story, than Charlie in that episode.

P.S. This post is obviously meant in jest. I give no credence to silly children’s stories… Or to Charlie and Lola episodes for that matter.