Well, the movie has been out for a while now, making the rounds in front of the loathing and loving alike, but one thing that’s for sure: it’s certainly in breach of social etiquette to still own a copy of the book. I don’t care if you’ve had it since you were twelve, the time has come. Worry not, however, because herein lies a list of ways to dispose of your now painfully uncool hard copy.
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Whilst floating around a little off the beach, Becky, my friend Lucy, and I saw what is probably the most comedically perfect thing I’ve ever been a witness to.
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So I’m chillin’ on the beach, striding through the calm water, and all of a sudden, this giant, friendly wave was all like, ‘Hey, bro! Let’s hang out!’, and I was like, ‘Sure, man. What’s up?’, and he was all like, ‘Have you met my buddies, these sharp, jagged rocks?’, and then he smashed my […]
After months of waiting in the lonely mire of medieval England, the elated young Duke finally received word from his distant beloved. A letter; a reply, no doubt, to the words he’d sent out many moons before, delivered via carrier pigeon. He opened it with haste. ‘Mmm… then what, baby?’
Zombie Dentist You seriously want to put your finger in one of those mouths? Good luck, Einstein. Pigeon Loan Shark Oh they’ll take your money, because they like shredding up paper for their nests, but good luck explaining compound interest or the value of currency to a bird, you lunatic. You want it back? You’re […]
Every night, at around about 3am, one of my cats will, without fail, decide to menacingly slink across the piano in our living room, sounding out a grim dirge that rings across the flat. Up and down on the lower note section of the keyboard he slowly stumbles, apparently until he’s absolutely positive that his […]
I like to dress weird. I’m the only person at my job who doesn’t wear a uniform, and not because I see myself as ‘above the law’ or anything quite so roguish, but simply because I like to express myself with every part of who I am. I walk stupid; I skip and stumble and […]
Find enclosed a short series of observations and thoughts that came to mind as I, for some reason, attempted to watch the first episode of Elementary, a show that apparently does almost as good a job at raping the good names of Holmes and Watson as the Guy Ritchie movies did.
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Poor little apostrophe. He knows his place, and more importantly, he knows when he’s not in it. Some, or all, will say that it isn’t really too important, and that as long as you get the gist of what is meant, then the grammatical semantics of the written word can probably fall by the wayside. However, if the boat of proper grammar truly is sinking, then I would rather let the weight of a million neglected semi-colons and brackets pull me down to the dreary depths of the abyss, than abandon ship and take refuge upon the misplaced and miserable apostrophe that hangs lifeless between the O and the S in the word: photo’s, or cling to safety upon the second f in the word of.
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So there I was in the swimming pool locker room…
(Great start to a story)
I had just about finished getting showered and dressed and was just drying my hair, when in walked Cock Out Man. As you can guess from his name, Cock Out Man had his cock out, proudly dangling away as he swung his hips and gayly (old meaning) strolled past me with a skip in his step. Now, this doesn’t bother me. I’m fine about my physical appearance, but at the same time, I have the modesty to make sure that the amount of locker room penile exposure is kept to a minimum on my part, mainly as a courtesy for the other men there who would inevitably start to feel insecure in my presence (ladies?). Cock Out Man, on the other hand, had no such reservations. Not only was he comfortable with cock exposure, but he stood in the corner of the room, facing outward, flicking around on his phone for a few minutes, without a hint of concealment.
Now, you know how when you already think someone is weird, so you keep an eye (not directly in this case) on them, and suddenly they do something even weirder, and it’s so much funnier because you were already watching them? Well, I had my eye (again, not directly) on Cock Out Man, waiting to see how long he was going to live up to his name. Then something really bizarre happened… Continue reading
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