Find enclosed a short series of observations and thoughts that came to mind as I, for some reason, attempted to watch the first episode of Elementary, a show that apparently does almost as good a job at raping the good names of Holmes and Watson as the Guy Ritchie movies did.
Hookers? Really, Mr Holmes?
She just saw him through the window, pulling his top on, and now she’s walked in, and he’s shirtless again.
Why are his boxers sticking out so prominently? He’s Sherlock bloody Holmes, not an effeminate teenager.
Why would Sherlock Holmes even have tattoos? Nothing could be more out of character already.
Why would he own that tee shirt?
Oh, bless. They actually just tried to recite a quote from one of the books, and successfully managed to utterly dilute the meaning. Adorable.
I love that it’s called ‘Elementary’. Already they’ve based the entire show on the false pretence created by the quote ‘Elementary
, my dear Watson’, which wasn’t even an accurate quote to begin with. Holmes never said that. Their shoddy knowledge of the character is evident in the opening bloody title.
‘I actually find sex repellant… but my body and mind require it to function.’ This is just ridiculous.
There’s no way Sherlock Holmes would ever have decided to move to New York.
Yup, typical. Always bring up 9/11 to make him seem more heroic.
This couldn’t be more ridiculous.
Her father’s affair was on Google?
Oh, he broke into her flat and stalked around her bedroom while she was asleep? Yeah, that’s cute and endearing and not a disgusting invasion of privacy.
He’s correctly guessed that it’s a serial killer, because there was one other case, two years ago, that wasn’t even that similar.
Why is he dressed that way? He wouldn’t dress that way. God, he looks… am I over-using the word ‘ridiculous’?
How did he even get into the opera without a ticket? You can’t just ‘I’m so clever‘ your way into a closed function.
Oh, god. Literally just, oh god.
This is genuinely the most circuitous murder plan in history.
Of course. The great Sherlock Holmes left England because of ‘a woman’. How the mighty have fallen to such tediously predictable, insipid plot points.
I’ve never seen a show wherein every single actor is equally so incapable of acting.
Typically tedious plot. They call him in for a simple case that turns into a complicated case, but that doesn’t get around the fact that they felt the need to contact him for help on what was initially perceived to be a simple case.
Sherlock Holmes himself is probably pissed off about this show, and he doesn’t even exist.