If brief radio flickers and supermarket PA systems have taught me anything about modern music, it’s that kids like to party; the shards of Kesha and One Direction that aggressively force their way into my unwilling ear drums from time to time have certainly shown me that much. However, they never really say ‘drinking’ or ‘dancing’ or ‘hanging out with strangers in awkwardly forced social interactions’, they simply say ‘partying’. Now, I’m not entirely sure when the noun ‘party’, as in an assembly of people meeting with a common goal, be it political, social or celebratory, transformed into this awkwardly misapplied verb that I, for one, feel totally ill-equipped to define. Continue reading
Felix: Okay, starting in 1939, take me through the history of The Second World War.
Ian: ’39 to ’45?
Felix: Uh, yeah. Well done.
Ian: Okay, right. Once upon a time…
Felix: Great start.
Ian: Once upon a time, there was this guy called Adolf Hitler. Got his ass whooped by some English people. Prior to that he was just a young guy growing up thinking ‘How can I conquer the world‘. Who put that seed into his head? Who knows. Uncle? Godfather? Whatever. Anyway, he got his posse of German friends together.
Felix: Haha, right. This is already utterly bewildering, but okay. Then what?
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… because, let’s face it, it’s pretty fucking awesome.
Let’s get one thing straight: you should always avoid standard public transportation. Get a car, ride a bike, use your actual human walking legs, I’d even grudgingly allow you to set foot on a bus, for god’s sake, but whatever you do, just make your way to your destination without having to set foot on a train. So fraught with danger and unpleasant tension are they, that if one is foolish, or desperate, enough to utilise them, they must take the most precise and delicate of precautions to remain anonymous, lest you breathe at someone the wrong way and have your peaceful carriage become the setting for a reenactment of the shoot out scene in Leonardo DiCaprio’s mansion from the movie Django Unchained.
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A few handy hints for the on-the-go traveller who is far too busy (being an important, big shot man/woman-about-town, no doubt) to make time for the dreary underling, the tedious former associate, or the slightly mental, and (as you’ve just remembered) weirdly clingy ex-partner. Continue reading
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She questioned how I was so unable to see the ‘evidence of god’ all around me. She kept using the word ‘blind’. I hadn’t started the conversation. I was polite and respectful, even though she wasn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against religious people in general, agree to disagree; but this girl was […]
Well, the movie has been out for a while now, making the rounds in front of the loathing and loving alike, but one thing that’s for sure: it’s certainly in breach of social etiquette to still own a copy of the book. I don’t care if you’ve had it since you were twelve, the time has come. Worry not, however, because herein lies a list of ways to dispose of your now painfully uncool hard copy.
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Whilst floating around a little off the beach, Becky, my friend Lucy, and I saw what is probably the most comedically perfect thing I’ve ever been a witness to.
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So I’m chillin’ on the beach, striding through the calm water, and all of a sudden, this giant, friendly wave was all like, ‘Hey, bro! Let’s hang out!’, and I was like, ‘Sure, man. What’s up?’, and he was all like, ‘Have you met my buddies, these sharp, jagged rocks?’, and then he smashed my […]
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