Well, my holiday photos are up, and as you guys all know, I take awesome holiday photos.

Click here for the full album, or click below for a preview.

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Zombie Dentist You seriously want to put your finger in one of those mouths? Good luck, Einstein. Pigeon Loan Shark Oh they’ll take your money, because they like shredding up paper for their nests, but good luck explaining compound interest or the value of currency to a bird, you lunatic. You want it back? You’re […]

Poor little apostrophe. He knows his place, and more importantly, he knows when he’s not in it. Some, or all, will say that it isn’t really too important, and that as long as you get the gist of what is meant, then the grammatical semantics of the written word can probably fall by the wayside. However, if the boat of proper grammar truly is sinking, then I would rather let the weight of a million neglected semi-colons and brackets pull me down to the dreary depths of the abyss, than abandon ship and take refuge upon the misplaced and miserable apostrophe that hangs lifeless between the O and the S in the word: photo’s, or cling to safety upon the second f in the word of.

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Here we find a picture I took of my lovely lady friend with a wonderful backdrop of the Edinburgh sky line. I don’t often post my random photos on here, but this one is pretty cool. Edinburgh is quite an extraordinary place. From afar, it looks like a scene from a bombed out Eastern European […]

I don’t want to write much on all this school shooting stuff, because it’s grown into a topic with a million facets; from people debating the merit of mental health funding over gun control laws, to people insulting the media for sensationalising criminals. My opinions aren’t important enough to mill around with all of that, but there is something that has occurred to me, as incorrect or presumptive as it may be.

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Me: Hey, 4am. How’s it going? 4am: Oh, not bad. You know how it is. Me: Yeah… Yeah…. Hey, listen; I honestly don’t know how to say this, so I guess I’ll just have to… say it. 4am: Honey? What is it? Me: I… It’s just… There’s someone else. I don’t want to see them, […]

I just want to start by saying NOBODY DIED. NO ONE IS DEAD. EVERYONE IS OKAY.

Now, I was checking Facebook (because I’m meant to be packing for holiday and I needed something to help me avoid it) and I found a link that said R.I.P. [girl’s name]. I was intrigued (okay, amused) by the quastionably ‘posey’ photo that had been selected as the group photo, so I clicked onto it. It was a memorial page for a girl who had died a few days before. Now, being something of a stickler for grammar (and also, a heartless piece of shit), I started laughing to myself at some of the grammatical and spelling errors that were in the condolence comments.

Okay, when I say laughing to myself… I mean I was howling like The Joker and crying like… someone with a dead dog, I don’t know. Either way, I was laughing my fucking head off. Now, I later found out that the page was a fake, so don’t hate me too much… Although I didn’t know it was a fake when I was already laughing, so hate me a bit. Anyway, since it was, for some reason, a fake, I can share with you a short list of half quotes, and half points of interest, without earning too much derision… I hope.
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“Aliens are real. There really was an alien crash landing in 1947 near the Roswell Army Air Field, and the United States Government really did cover it up.”

These are the claims that were recently being made by a former CIA operative named Chase Brandon; claims which are of course, entirely fictional. He asserted that he came across secret documents and photographs in a oddly placed cardboard box during a visit to a public CIA library. The infamous Roswell Incident that he is speaking off has long ago been debunked as the recovery of a Mogul balloon, and putting aside the menagerie of pop-culture traditions; sci-fi movies, conspiracy theories, and other such nonsense, the case is relatively closed.

So what on Earth (and I assure you, it is on Earth), made him come forward with these outlandish claims?

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“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, yearning to breath free.”

This is an extract from the poem that lies at the proud feet of America’s Statue of Liberty that, when first built, served as a beacon to travellers and immigrants as they neared their soon-to-be home. It served as a symbolic gateway to a new life; a free life, where a person was able to pursue his or her dreams, with honesty and integrity, and above all, without fear of persecution or undue judgement.

In this new era however, a unseen country has arisen in the wake of the digital age; a new domain for men and women, children and adults, to express themselves, to open themselves, to find themselves; and like Narnia or Hogwarts or countless other realms of fantasy and imagination, this parallel universe is accessed via a magical portal.

Well, I still think iPads and android phones are pretty magical, anyway.

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For too long have I borne sad witness to the folly of a coffee maker brewing a cup of tea. This isn’t some slap-dash, hasty, get it done fast kind of job; this is an art form. It takes time, precision, and patience. So don’t screw it up.

Start off with a decent brand. My favourite is Twinning’s. Loose leaf is good if you have the time and the inclination, but a bag can be equally delightful. I’m awfully partial to a spot of Lapsang Souchong, but for this example, I’ll give the instructions applicable to a bag of simple, traditional, breakfast tea. Continue reading