Herein lies a post where I once again dissect, analyse, and let’s face it, mock the shit out of The Bible. If this doesn’t sound like your kind of post, then perhaps you should pop off to church instead… and don’t forget the blindfold and the earplugs!

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Being the pedantic arse that I am, I’m going to ask a few (presumably unanswerable) questions about the Islamic heaven, historically referred to as ‘Jannah‘. We all know a few of the key elements of this paradise, 72 virgins, giant palaces for everyone, rivers of milk and honey, and so on, and as I read into the writings on the subject, there were a few things I found somewhat unusual. So, here we go…

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So here’s something that caught my eye. For my American followers, this is the story of a young football (soccer) player named Fabrice Muamba, who had a heart attack on the pitch a few days ago, but is now recovering well. A friend of mine, Charlie, pointed something out to me after seeing this story, and it struck me as decidedly odd. So, Muamba claims that god helped him to get better after his heart attack… But surely this was after god gave a healthy, young, fit athlete a heart attack in the first place.

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There’s a little rant that I’d like to get off my chest, but I certainly don’t want it to misunderstood, or misinterpreted.

I hate religion.

Now, this is a very bold statement of course, and any initial presumptions you might have for my meaning need to be set aside for a moment. I don’t hate religious people; I don’t hate people who believe in god, or worship him, or put their faith in Jesus, or believe in a higher power or a creation theory. I don’t hate any of these people much in the same way as I don’t hate an owl for eating a mouse, a cloud for blocking the sunshine, or my girlfriend for using a Mac instead of a Windows. Every life form on Earth operates in the way they believe to be in optimum equilibrium with what they want, what they need, and what they perceive of the world around them. If a person wants to find their strength and faith in something supernatural or religious, then I’ll gladly march for their right to do so. No, I don’t hate any religious person, even to the level of zealots and extremists taking lives and terrorising people. They too are simply trying to live in accordance with what they have been taught to, or chosen to, believe.

Religion itself however, as a singular entity, is something I can hate.

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It takes little more than the lowest of I.Q.’s to discern the true nature of (the man known today as) Jesus Christ from the various mentions of him throughout the biblical texts.

The long hair and the beard, spending all day in a dressing gown and flip-flops, yammering on about peace and love; isn’t it obvious?

Jesus of Nazareth was a hippie. A pot smoking hippie.

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As a rule, I tend to avoid newspapers. I occasionally watch the news in the background at work, and I keep up to date with worldwide affairs via twitter postings from the major news channels; but when it comes to flicking through the detritus of the British media, I try to stay well away. I don’t care which footballer slept with which other footballer’s wife, nor do I care which reality television ‘celebrity’ is in rehab; crying over their recent breakup with some equally vacuous television personality. However, as you can guess from my demeanour and opinions; the headline shown above did grab my attention today, and I decided to give it a quick glance, to see if it was as ignorant and insulting as I had already assumed it would be.

I was wrong. It was worse.

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In the spirit of the recently passed Easter festivities, I just wanted to ask a few quick questions, as there are a couple of Easter aspects that I don’t quite understand. Any comments explaining things to me would be most welcome!
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