‘Oh… Oh, yeah… I can totally do that.’ Advertisements

Okay, guys… I’ve come up with a new section. At the restaurant where I work, we give out little comment cards at the end of each meal. Ninety nine times out of ten, they’re pretty dull and unspectacular; but every so often we’ll get some thing really stupid.

This isn’t one of those times. I mean, it’s pretty stupid… But I just felt like writing about one, and this was the best I had. So anyway, keep a look out for some forthcoming Comment Cards post, and we’ll get started with this one!

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Me: You know, instead of reading that book, you could actually help me do some work. Co-worker: I’m not technically reading. It’s a book of photos. Me: I know, I know. I just assumed that looking at a picture book would be the closest you’d ever get to reading, and I wanted to sound encouraging. […]

I was serving a kindly old man at the bar today. He had come for lunch, as he has often done since his wife died recently. He’s probably near 90 and, despite his frailty, is always very nice and polite and funny. Today when he came, there was a little boy screaming and shouting in […]

FELIX: Okay, tell me something that you don’t understand about the universe.

IAN: … Uranus.

FELIX: No, really…

IAN: Summat’ ah don’t understand? Women… Oh, an’ do fish piss in the sea and bears shit in the woods. Now that is a question.

FELIX: No… It isn’t. Come on, out of everything in reality, what do you really not understand. Gravity? Evolution? The possibilities of time travel?

IAN: Right… What came first, right… Organism… Egg… Chicken…?

FELIX: Well, a chicken is an organism. And eggs came before chickens, remember it’s not just chickens that lay eggs.

IAN: Everything ‘atches from somethin’.

FELIX: Well, we don’t technically ‘hatch’.

IAN: Nah, we come out ah mummy’s twat.

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