I was serving a kindly old man at the bar today. He had come for lunch, as he has often done since his wife died recently. He’s probably near 90 and, despite his frailty, is always very nice and polite and funny. Today when he came, there was a little boy screaming and shouting in […]

FELIX: Okay, tell me something that you don’t understand about the universe.

IAN: … Uranus.

FELIX: No, really…

IAN: Summat’ ah don’t understand? Women… Oh, an’ do fish piss in the sea and bears shit in the woods. Now that is a question.

FELIX: No… It isn’t. Come on, out of everything in reality, what do you really not understand. Gravity? Evolution? The possibilities of time travel?

IAN: Right… What came first, right… Organism… Egg… Chicken…?

FELIX: Well, a chicken is an organism. And eggs came before chickens, remember it’s not just chickens that lay eggs.

IAN: Everything ‘atches from somethin’.

FELIX: Well, we don’t technically ‘hatch’.

IAN: Nah, we come out ah mummy’s twat.

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