FELIX: Okay, tell me something that you don’t understand about the universe.

IAN: … Uranus.

FELIX: No, really…

IAN: Summat’ ah don’t understand? Women… Oh, an’ do fish piss in the sea and bears shit in the woods. Now that is a question.

FELIX: No… It isn’t. Come on, out of everything in reality, what do you really not understand. Gravity? Evolution? The possibilities of time travel?

IAN: Right… What came first, right… Organism… Egg… Chicken…?

FELIX: Well, a chicken is an organism. And eggs came before chickens, remember it’s not just chickens that lay eggs.

IAN: Everything ‘atches from somethin’.

FELIX: Well, we don’t technically ‘hatch’.

IAN: Nah, we come out ah mummy’s twat.

FELIX: Nice… Well, yeah.

IAN: So, right. We’re in there, in the womb… Evolvin’.

FELIX: What? Evolution isn’t about us growing in the womb… It’s about the journey from less complex, ancestral organisms.

IAN: Well, yeah. But we’re growin’… And expandin’.

FELIX: I… I guess you could say that, yeah?

IAN: Well that’s evolution as ah see it.

FELIX: Okay… So what part do you not understand?

IAN: … Life.

FELIX: What… Just in general? What about it?

IAN: How come right, some days it’s good, and some days it’s shit?

FELIX: Well, that’s just because… Stuff happens.

IAN: Yeah… Life’s a bitch, and then you marry one… Then you shag one.


To probe deeper into the wondrous mind of Ian Jackson, click here for the full archive.

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About Felix O'Shea

Felix is a guy who isn't actually a writer, but calls himself one when he wants to try to impress gullible people.


The Unusual World of Mr. Ian Jackson


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