[start] Roll opening production company credits. The picture fades in. We’re in deep space. A cluster of rocks floats lifelessly; the remains of planet Earth after some sort of climactic event. Everything’s gone, and everyone’s dead. The camera slowly pans around the debris for approximately two hours, before the screen fades to black. The whole […]

Me: Hey, 4am. How’s it going? 4am: Oh, not bad. You know how it is. Me: Yeah… Yeah…. Hey, listen; I honestly don’t know how to say this, so I guess I’ll just have to… say it. 4am: Honey? What is it? Me: I… It’s just… There’s someone else. I don’t want to see them, […]

It’s something I’ve thought about a lot before. Do you know that feeling when you tell a joke that you think is really clever, only to be met by the cold silence of people who didn’t understand it?

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[Liam Neeson’s character (Brian) is on the phone to his daughter (Kim), seeing that his ex-wife is being held by armed antagonists] Brian: Listen to me carefully, Kim. Your mother is going to be taken. Kim: Dad, wait. Don’t you mean… twoken? Brian: Yes, Kim. Twoken. [both characters look directly at camera] [cut to black] […]

I was working the bar last night, and towards closing time, a young lady came up to order. She had some cool bright red top, a funky owl necklace, cute wavy blonde hair, and a very friendly face. She was the kind of person who makes you think “Yeah, we could totally be friends.”
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I’ll tell you right from the start: You guys are going to be so disappointed by that title.

As you may know, I’ve been away for a week in the south of France. A lot happened, there are a tonne of cool pictures to sort through, and I’ll get to it all in time. I thought I’d quickly share one particular highlight with you now, however… but just to warn you: it’s fucking disgusting.

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