Monthly Archives: June 2011

From the Pages of the journal of Altaïr Ibn-La’Ahad

Written upon an ancient scroll and unearthed in the year 1509 by the assassin Ezio Auditore da Firenze in an attempt to better understand the secrets of the Assassin’s Creed and it’s brotherhood, this document appears in nature to be pertaining to the movements and activities of Ezio’s ancestor, the legendary master assassin Altaïr Ibn-La’Ahad, over a period […]

How I pick up Girls

I generally just pick out the prettiest or most interesting looking girl in a bar, cautiously meander over to her, maybe swap eye contact once or twice and smile… and then I get out one of those scary mountaineering ice-pick things, and thrust it around in front of her face in a terrifyingly fervent stabbing […]

Why Babies Drive Me Crazy

When I was born, I was a baby. So were you. So was every other human that has ever existed. Last night, I was subjected to an agonising amount of ‘baby talk’ by several mothers who were flitting around the bar where I work. It was horrible. Listed below are some of the reasons why.

Conversations with Ian – Oh, to be British

After seeing a news story regarding immigration… IAN: We spend so much on immigration… Can’t they just go back where they came from? FELIX: Well, maybe they come from a country that is impoverished or war-torn or without basic human rights… IAN: That’s their fault… FELIX: No, it’s not. It’s just the luck of where they […]

The Day I was a Little Bit Racist

Okay… So my girlfriend and I just bought a new Mini, which was unsurprisingly, rather expensive for two people with no money whatsoever. In the panic of getting some cash out in time, I reached my withdrawal limit at 11:56PM on Monday and 12:04AM on Tuesday. Needless to say, HSBC Bank were suspicious. Cut forward […]

image June 13

A Quick Review of L.A. Noire

I’ve decided to break away from my usual rants about random trivial useless crap, and write a review of a video game (get it?), in this case, a game entitled L.A. Noire. I’m not a gamer by any means. I own a Playstation 3, but I mainly bought it for DVDs and free-view and stuff. […]

Is that Green Lantern over there hooking on a street corner?

Okay, a bit late, but I have to say this… Ryan Reynolds: I like you. You were really good in Smokin’ Aces, and probably other stuff that I haven’t seen… You popped up on scrubs, that was funny. You were the only glimmer of okay-ishness in the otherwise deplorable X-Men: Origins movie. From what I know […]

Batman Vs. Superman

B: So if we were to fight, I think the comics have pretty much established that I would win. S: How do you figure that? B: Well, you know… Brains over brawn. S: Dude, I can see atoms and DNA sequences. I can even memorise them and reproduce them, according to Grant Morrison. You think you’re smarter […]

Well, I’ll be a Monkey’s Uncle

I apologise unreservedly for the title, but it’s significance will soon be revealed. Anyway… I came home from work a couple of days ago, to find that my girlfriend Rebecca, who by the way, watches the shittiest, most awful “Just stick something on in the background” TV ever, had on a show entitled ‘My Monkey […]

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