So as many of you know (or I suppose, as none of you know, because I’ve been neglecting this poor, poor blog, like some unwanted child that failed to live up to a parent’s expectation), Becky and I were invited to attend a faraway birthday party for some idiot with whom I used to live (sorry Nick, you may be Prince Nicholai in Romania, but you’re still the idiot with whom I used to live to me). It was a very fancy event at the Royal Palace (or a royal palace, I don’t know, there were a lot of palaces involved), and it was preceded by a delightful tour of some of the sights that Romania had to offer (including the inside of a bus, the views outside the bus from inside a bus, and the view of the outside of a bus from outside a bus). Yes, there was some bus travel involved; but, fortunately, we also ate at some damn good restaurant, had a wander around Bucharest, released a load of Chinese lanterns in a square in Sibiu, took a tour of a fancy castle, and, of course, attended a ridiculously posh birthday party in the presence of several members of the royal family. Anyway, you all know I’m a fan of photo taking, so here’s a few of the shots from our four day royal visit.

This (in descending chronological order, coincidentally) is my brother Dan, His Royal Highness Prince Nicholas of Romania (or ‘Nick’ to people that refuse to further inflate his ego), my brother Marcus, and yours truly outside Peles Castle (taken by Rebecca).

The respective long sufferers of my brother Daniel and myself outside Peles.

My brother Daniel looking like some kind of majestic Elk, or possibly a mighty stag (taken by Rebecca).

A piece of Peles Castle. There was more of it, but don’t be so greedy. Go and see it for yourself.

The Peles skylight. I have something similar in my living room (it’s a crack in the ceiling that sometimes leaks weird stuff).

The war room. If you don’t have a war room in your place, then you probably need to sort that out.

Obligatory ceiling photo. Surely making ceilings look so nice is bad for everyone’s necks.

My new hat (just kidding, most of my hats have less metal in them).

The security guard at Peles is super well prepared for trouble.

Damn it, Carl. You’re sleeping on the job again.

Loosely translates as ‘There’s a ribbon in my salad’.

Wonder Woman’s grandmother. Man, these captions started out so well.

Ahh, the innocence of youth; a child, playing happily in the park on a warm summer’s day.

Oh, wait. Never mind.

Now there’s a child playing happily in the park on a warm summer’s day. I’d never be so immature (side note: I may or may not be on the other end of that see-saw).

Kings of the castle. I’m the only one who bothered to wear a waistcoat, which either makes them look sorely underdressed, or me look like a massive douchebag, depending on how you look at it (taken by Rebecca).

Reservoir Dogs. Again, pretend I’m not wearing a waistcoat, and that we all match perfectly. Damn it (taken by Rebecca).

The square in Sibiu. It was more of a dodecahedron, but I won’t kick up a fuss. I’ll just stick to calling it a square.

Marcus striking a pose (and a super weird one at that) in the dodecahedron.

Me, awkwardly mInding my own business in the dodecahedron (taken by Marcus).

Becky and me in the dodecahedron. You may be thinking that this picture has accidentally focused on the background, leaving us blurry in the foreground, but you’d be mistaken; that’s actually just what we look like (taken by Marcus).

Marcus and I reminiscing about something deeply sinister, probably (taken by Rebecca).

Marcus’s new Facebook profile picture, for which you’re welcome, by the way, bro. It’s not like I spent ages picking out your individual hairs in order to perfectly blur out the background, but yeah, you can use it without permission or due credit. I’m kidding, stop taking everything to heart. And while we’re at it, I wish you wouldn’t keep… actually maybe this isn’t the time. We need to talk.

Becky and me starting fires for no reason whatsoever (taken by Marcus).

Marcus trying desperately to contain our out-of-control Fire in some sort of weird bag.

Me, watching the last flailing twitches of Marcus’s charred corpse (taken, somehow, by Marcus).

One of our fellow partygoers making first contact with our new alien overlords.

Rebecca making first intimate contact with our new alien overlords.

Some of our group friends with whom I was trapped in an elevator (for the amount of time it takes to get from the ground floor to the forth floor).

An attempt at successfully posing during Nick’s party.

A slightly more successful attempt, although we’re all looking in slightly different directions, but come on, there were about forty photographers (taken by Rebecca, maybe).

Rebecca thinking about whether or not you could tell the difference between a grizzly bear and a polar bear if you shaved off their fur.

Me, thinking about what kind of weird expressions and phrases animals would come up with for stuff if they were somehow able to talk (taken by Rebecca).

Rebecca trying to understand why time slows down when moving at high velocity.

Me, having a staring contest with a bull, which I won by the way (taken by Rebecca).

It doesn’t really matter where this photo was taken, but there you go. Ain’t clouds pretty?

I can’t really think of how to make jokes about the buildings in Bucharest.

Still nothing.

Uhhh…

Nope.

Was this a random alley, or a portal to the past? It was a random alley.

King Michael keeping an eye on his Bucharestians (or at least, the top quarter of him doing so).

As far as I can tell, this is a statue of a super depressed monk with his penis out (a penis which kind of has a moustache), holding a dog (with his wrists, not his hands) with a weird tail, and kind of udder type things, and also a weird pattern around its face, and an elephant’s trunk coming out of its neck. Make of that what you will.

This is a statue of the same guy, many years later, after his dog is taken away and put down under the orders of the CDC.

In times of sudden flag requirement, this jacket serves as an adequate replacement (taken by Rebecca).

Rebecca, moments before being kicked in the head by a miniature metal horse.

Some ‘cool kid’ disrespecting a war memorial. How deeply innapropiate. Shame on him.

I tried taking a picture of Dan’s wrist and also there was a building there.

Dan and Molly looking at something to thier right, when there’s clearly something nicer directly behind them.

Awkward staged jumping photo (taken by Dan).

Molly returning to her flock.

Charlie’s A-holes (taken by Dan).

Man, I’m tired of coming up with captions. Here’s Rebecca standing next to a wall.

Like, it’s seriously exhausting. Rebecca and Molly moments before a fatal exsanguination.

Okay, wow, that’s finally it. This is the back of Rebecca’s head.

I hope you all enjoyed this tedious stationary slideshow. Let me know what you thought. Any favourites?