Me: Okay, time to check Facebook.

Facebook App: Oh, hey. You, uh, want me to open?

Me: Yeah, thanks.

Facebook App: Ooh, might take a while.

Me: …

Facebook App: Okay, let me just, uh…

Me: …

Facebook App: … just getting ready here.

Me: …

Facebook App: Almost…

Me: Can you, uh, open, please?

Facebook App: Yeah, yeah, what’s the hurry? I’m getting to it.

Me: Look, I just wanted to quickly check if –

Facebook App: Hold on, Mr Speedy Pants. I’m working on it. I’m almost there. Can’t you see I’m almost there?

Me: I… no; you’ve just been blank for, like, ages.

Facebook App: I’ve got the blue bar along the top. You know I’m loading. Just hang on a damn second.

Me: Look, man… I don’t… forget it. I don’t even care anymore.

Facebook App: Really? Because I swear I’m nearly there.

Me: No, forget it. Just close. Close the app. I don’t care anymore.

Facebook App: You want me to close now? That’ll take a second, buddy.

Me: What? Just, Jesus, just close.

Facebook App: …

Me: Oh, come on, man.

Facebook App: Oop, I’m open now; but you said to close, so…

Me: No, fuck, wait!

Facebook App: There we go, all closed for you, sir.

Me: …

Facebook App: …

Me: Can you open again, please?

Facebook App: Ooh, might take a while.

Me: Forget it.

Join the conversation! 7 Comments

  1. Hahaha I’m laughing because this is SO TRUE I got stuck like this earlier today! :D

  2. I could insert WordPress for Facebook since I’ve been having so many WordPress problems this year, and the year is only 21 days old!

  3. I was blaming my smartphone for this malfunction but now I see it’s all entirely Facebook’s fault. Haha :-)

  4. hahahahahah *spilling tea* hahahahah

  5. Haha!

    I’m starting to find this with my twitter app too.

    Starting to think there might be some kind of conspiracy to get me to actually speak to people. Y’know, in real life.

    Good luck with that iphone..!


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About Felix O'Shea

Felix is a guy who isn't actually a writer, but calls himself one when he wants to try to impress gullible people.


A few of my better posts, Random rubbish that I can't think of a category for


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