So there’s this guy called Hamlet, and he’s pretty hot.
His uncle is trying to bang his mum, or whatever.
His dad got killed and he’s all super upset about it and does loads of sexy brooding and stuff and talking to himself, which is totally crazy, but also kinda hot.
He has some cute friends with Jewishey names.
There’s a bit about a pirate ship (pirates are gross).
His girlfriend is totally crazy (like Lindsey Lohan crazy), but she’s pretty hot too so Hamlet is cool with it.
Her brother is kinda hot, but he’s also, like, a total mega-huge douchebag and is, like, really mad at Hamlet.
At the end, pretty much everybody dies, except maybe Hamlet’s BFF or something, who is also hot.
Also, Hamlet has a pet chihuahua.