I’ll tell you right from the start: You guys are going to be so disappointed by that title.

As you may know, I’ve been away for a week in the south of France. A lot happened, there are a tonne of cool pictures to sort through, and I’ll get to it all in time. I thought I’d quickly share one particular highlight with you now, however… but just to warn you: it’s fucking disgusting.

So there I was with Becky, laying out on the beach. I was reminiscing about the view that met us as we walked along the promenade to find an empty spot. Row after row of beautiful topless French girls littered the coast. I know, right? Anyway, we set up our spot, and got to some serious sunbathing.

Now, beside us was a fairly large, free area, so I figured someone would come before long and take it up: a trio of semi-nude gymnasts perhaps, or a cadre of part time supermodels. Unfortunately, no sooner had these delightful thoughts flitted across my mind, than a lady indeed appeared to take the prized spot… which, by the way, could have been about ten feet by ten feet and her fat ass would have still been too big for it.

Don’t get me wrong; I have no problem with ‘bigger‘ girls in any way, but this was like health risk big. This was “Do they deliver to the couch?” big. This was ‘balance a bucket of fried chicken on her overhanging stomach while sticking spare barbecued ribs into the numerous folds of her gut‘ big… and yes, she was topless; and yes, it was super fucking grim. I wasn’t actively looking or anything, mind. It was just… there.

Anyway, I stick in the earphones and roll away. It’s cool, I don’t need to see that; but fast forward a couple of minutes, and I sadly need to roll back. We were on a stone beach, and my god those bastards were painful, and my right shoulder was totally numb. So back I roll, and I’m greeted by a sight that literally made me shiver. It was… I mean… It wasn’t okay.

Of all the fine French girls on that beach, I had to be lying next to the one naked, middle aged, unkept, morbidly obese woman, publicly filing corns off of her feet.

Fuck you, France. Thanks for the fucking holiday.