A guy I know showed me a Facebook profile picture of a girl on his phone today. He had covered up her face, leaving only a fairly large, not fat but ‘chunky’, body, with thick legs and a barrel-chest.

Guy: What do you think of that? Alright body, eh?

I naturally assumed this to be a trick question, and replied thusly…

Me: She looks like a man.

He looked somewhat annoyed. He reveals the whole picture and zooms in to show me again.

Guy: Well… She isn’t… See? She’s alright.
Me: Okay… Not really… But sure. So what?
Guy: She’s not bad, look.
Me: Yeah, fine. Whatever. Why are you showing me this?
Guy: I’m gonna be shagging that tomorrow night.

I turn to leave, and let out a sigh of sheer disinterest.

Me: Okay, good for you. Do give her my regards.
Guy: I will!

Now, point a) Hilarious that he was trying to brag about potentially, in the future, hooking up with someone, and yet I referred to her as looking like a man; and point b) Why the hell do single guys feel the need to boast to other single guys about having sex? I’ve been with my girlfriend for over four years. I didn’t feel the need to respond to his announcement by saying “Yeah, well my girl is a lot prettier and I fucked her this morning.“, probably because I’m not fourteen years old.

It’s fine if you want to demean (most likely fictional) women and reduce them to tally marks in your sad, lonely black book; but if you expect me to pat you on the back and say “Good job, mate! Give her one for me!” then you’re almost as stupid as you would be if you thought you’d ever get laid in the first place.

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Join the conversation! 1 Comment

  1. cheers.
    your gf is a lucky bird.

    Reply

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About Felix O'Shea

Felix is a guy who isn't actually a writer, but calls himself one when he wants to try to impress gullible people.

Category

Weird things that somehow happen to me

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