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Okay, the title is a little off, since The X-Files deals with weird stuff, and religion definitely qualifies, but never mind. So, here I was watching four straight season of classic 90’s sci-fi titan The X-Files on Netflix, because why not, when I came across an episode in which Scully proclaimed herself to be a […]

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Let’s get one thing straight: you should always avoid standard public transportation. Get a car, ride a bike, use your actual human walking legs, I’d even grudgingly allow you to set foot on a bus, for god’s sake, but whatever you do, just make your way to your destination without having to set foot on a train. So fraught with danger and unpleasant tension are they, that if one is foolish, or desperate, enough to utilise them, they must take the most precise and delicate of precautions to remain anonymous, lest you breathe at someone the wrong way and have your peaceful carriage become the setting for a reenactment of the shoot out scene in Leonardo DiCaprio’s mansion from the movie Django Unchained.

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troll

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A few handy hints for the on-the-go traveller who is far too busy (being an important, big shot man/woman-about-town, no doubt) to make time for the dreary underling, the tedious former associate, or the slightly mental, and (as you’ve just remembered) weirdly clingy ex-partner.

Step One: Stay on the Move

Maintaining momentum is the golden rule. If this is a ‘smile and wave‘ acquaintance, then it shouldn’t be a problem; however if you know that a conversation will be instigated, then there’s an important trick that I like to call the ‘spin ‘n’ grin‘. Be the first person to initiate contact, as it makes you seem genuinely interested in conversing, but instead of stopping in front of them (absolute no-no), simply walk to the side of them, turning around so that you’re still facing them, chatting, but walking away backwards. This shows that you’re in a hurry to do something that, as much as you’d love to stay and chat, can’t be put off. Keep smiling and talking until you’re roughly four steps away, and then bust out the old ‘I’m sorry, I really have to run, but it’s lovely seeing you.’

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last man

So, a friend of mine made the suggestion of a bunch of bloggers trying to write a short story based on a single photograph. Now, I tend to shy away from serious fiction, as I lost the taste for it several years ago (when I lost the taste for most other things), so rather than a straight narrative, it turned out to be something of an introspection. In any case, below you’ll find the picture, and below that you’ll find the story. Don’t judge too harshly, as I said, it certainly isn’t my forte!

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Poor little apostrophe. He knows his place, and more importantly, he knows when he’s not in it. Some, or all, will say that it isn’t really too important, and that as long as you get the gist of what is meant, then the grammatical semantics of the written word can probably fall by the wayside. However, if the boat of proper grammar truly is sinking, then I would rather let the weight of a million neglected semi-colons and brackets pull me down to the dreary depths of the abyss, than abandon ship and take refuge upon the misplaced and miserable apostrophe that hangs lifeless between the O and the S in the word: photo’s, or cling to safety upon the second f in the word of.

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