A super dumb guy just came into my store with a presumably equally dumb friend (they pulled up outside in a transit van, you guys; they’re transit van dumb). The super dumb one (the first super dumb one, not the second dumb one that didn’t talk much but has been assumed to be being equally […]
*as I carefully gift wrap an item that a young lady is purchasing* Her: Don’t worry about making it too neat. It’s fine like that. Me: Oh, sorry. That’s just me being anal. Her: Haha, that’s okay. I like anal. Me: Phrasing. Her: Wha – oh, god.
A customer just popped in and, after a bit of mooching around, came over to the counter to pay for a mug. As she did, she smiled and said ‘My husbands going to be so furious. “Just what we need,” he’ll say, “another bloody mug!”’ In response, I laughed and said ‘There are certainly worse […]
A customer popped in to work today and, after a bit of mooching around, came over to the counter to pay for a mug. As she did, she smiled and said ‘My husbands going to be so furious. “Just what we need,” he’ll say, “another bloody mug!”‘ In response, I laughed and said ‘There are […]
So I was at work yesterday when a young kid came in with his father. He was probably about eight years old, I guess (I’m pretty terrible at estimating kids’ ages), and was dressed from head to toe in a full body Spider-Man suit. Anyway, father and son began wandering the store; the dad was […]
Manager (female): I’ve put the new girl on the bar with you tonight, so no distracting her. Me: What do you mean ‘distracting’? Manager: You just… have a way of distracting the female staff. Me: Do I? Manager: You do. Me: How? Manager: You just… do. So don’t. Me: Well, how can I not do […]
Michelle: Where are these drinks going? Me: They’re going to… oh, your favourite table. Number 69. Michelle: Uh, no that’s not actually my favourite. Me: In terms of table numbers, it probably is. It’s not like we have a ‘table anal’.
Okay, guys… I’ve come up with a new section. At the restaurant where I work, we give out little comment cards at the end of each meal. Ninety nine times out of ten, they’re pretty dull and unspectacular; but every so often we’ll get some thing really stupid. This isn’t one of those times. I […]
I’m working my second job again today, and then as soon as I finish cashing up here after an 8 and a half hour day, I have to run home, get changed, and then run to the next town to work my second job for another 5 hours or so. There’s a bottle of toxic […]
Me: You know, instead of reading that book, you could actually help me do some work. Co-worker: I’m not technically reading. It’s a book of photos. Me: I know, I know. I just assumed that looking at a picture book would be the closest you’d ever get to reading, and I wanted to sound encouraging. […]
I was serving a kindly old man at the bar today. He had come for lunch, as he has often done since his wife died recently. He’s probably near 90 and, despite his frailty, is always very nice and polite and funny. Today when he came, there was a little boy screaming and shouting in […]
FELIX: Okay, tell me something that you don’t understand about the universe. IAN: … Uranus. FELIX: No, really… IAN: Summat’ ah don’t understand? Women… Oh, an’ do fish piss in the sea and bears shit in the woods. Now that is a question. FELIX: No… It isn’t. Come on, out of everything in reality, what do you really […]