Becky: What is it?
Me: I’m not telling you.
Becky: A book? I hope it’s not a book. I don’t like books.
Me: It’s not a book.
Becky: A fake hand for when I lose mine?
Becky: Plastic apple pie?
Becky: A wig for when you stress me out so much I get alopecia?
Me: It’ll be here in a couple of days, just wait.
Becky: Dentures for when I lose my teeth?
Becky: Stick on nipples to make me look like a freak?
Becky: Elephant foot shoes to make really suspicious footprints?
Me: N… No?
Becky: A teacup for my invisible friend who isn’t talking to me at the moment?
Me: Okay, yes. That one. Why not.
Co-worker: I really like the song that’s playing at the moment. Who sings it?
Me: * sigh* I don’t know, some tedious douchebag with an acoustic guitar and no sense of originality.
*Drunk Guy wanders up to me in the bar*
Drunk Guy: Hey you, buddy; what’s your name?
Me: Uhh… It’s Felix.
Becky: I want to draw a Tyrannosaurus rex trying to make a bed.
Me: … … …
Becky: I need a pen!
Me: You are the most crazy.
Becky: I’m having thoughts!
Me: Good morning, miss.
Customer: Hey there, good morning. I was just wondering if you had any of those little, white bags. I usually buy a couple each week for my shop.
Me: Oh, actually, no, I don’t! We ran out of them, so I only have the black ones.
Customer: Oh, right. Well they look fine. I suppose I could go black for a week.
Me: Ae you sure? I hear that afterwards you might not be able to go back!
Customer: Oh? Why’s that?
Me: Never mind (nervous laugh), it’s just a… phrase.
Customer: What… What phrase is that?
Me: Uhh… you know… ‘Once you go black…’
Customer: Oh, right; yes. Well… I don’t think it applies to bags.
Me: No… probably not…
Is it bad that I always get excited and proud of myself after any successful human interaction that wasn’t mandated by my employers?
I was at the swimming pool yesterday, heading over to the showers, and I saw a guy sweeping the excess water towards a drain. He had nice shoes on. I said ‘
Your shoes are far too nice for this job.’ He laughed.
I FUCKING DID IT, YOU GUYS. I SHOULD HAVE MY OWN GOD DAMN TALK SHOW.
Posted in Inside my Stupid Mind, Interacting with Humans Tagged Antisocial, Awkward, Entertainment, Funny, Humour, Interaction, Lonely, Personal, Talking, Weird
I know what you’re thinking.
‘Has he really, because it looks exactly the same.’, and to that I say, ‘ Shut up, you’re not my step-dad (who always used to point that out).’
But yeah. Haircut.