Tag Archives: Personal

Upon telling my girlfriend that I’d gotten her a present:

Posted by Felix O'Shea on

Becky: What is it?

Me: I’m not telling you.

Becky: Socks?

Me: No.

Becky: A book? I hope it’s not a book. I don’t like books.

Me: It’s not a book.

Becky: A fake hand for when I lose mine?

Me: No.

Becky: Plastic apple pie?

Me: Nope.

Becky: A wig for when you stress me out so much I get alopecia?

Me: It’ll be here in a couple of days, just wait.

Becky: Dentures for when I lose my teeth?

Me: No.

Becky: Stick on nipples to make me look like a freak?

Me: Nu-uh.

Becky: Elephant foot shoes to make really suspicious footprints?

Me: N… No?

Becky: A teacup for my invisible friend who isn’t talking to me at the moment?

Me: Okay, yes. That one. Why not.

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Yet another reason I shouldn’t talk to people

Posted by Felix O'Shea on

Me: Good morning, miss.

Customer: Hey there, good morning. I was just wondering if you had any of those little, white bags. I usually buy a couple each week for my shop.

Me: Oh, actually, no, I don’t! We ran out of them, so I only have the black ones.

Customer: Oh, right. Well they look fine. I suppose I could go black for a week.

Me: Ae you sure? I hear that afterwards you might not be able to go back!

Customer: Oh? Why’s that?

Me: Never mind (nervous laugh), it’s just a… phrase.

Customer: What… What phrase is that?

Me: Uhh… you know… ‘Once you go black…’

Customer: Oh, right; yes. Well… I don’t think it applies to bags.

Me: No… probably not…

I spoke to a human!

Posted by Felix O'Shea on

Is it bad that I always get excited and proud of myself after any successful human interaction that wasn’t mandated by my employers?

I was at the swimming pool yesterday, heading over to the showers, and I saw a guy sweeping the excess water towards a drain. He had nice shoes on. I said ‘Your shoes are far too nice for this job.’ He laughed.

I FUCKING DID IT, YOU GUYS. I SHOULD HAVE MY OWN GOD DAMN TALK SHOW.