Tag Archives: Cats

My cat’s scratching at my bedroom door and I’m holding my breath so he doesn’t know I’m in here. I’M A PRISONER IN MY OWN GOD DAMN HOME.

20140401-083349-pm.jpg April 01

Man, this cat is a dick to plastic bags.

20140117-211916.jpg December 12

My cat’s insecure after-pooping routine

1. Round up any nearby items (towels, clothes, paper, etc.) and drag them into the litter tray to aid in faeces burial. 2. Run like fucking crazy around the apartment to get away from it, as though we aren’t going to know that it was him.

Who needs an alarm clock when your cat has figured out how to turn on the fucking vacuum cleaner next to your head?

Sorry, buddy…

Well, my girlfriend did say to throw EVERYTHING in the laundry basket straight into the machine, so… uh… here goes, I guess. I hope he can hold his breath well.

An Ominous Note

Every night, at around about 3am, one of my cats will, without fail, decide to menacingly slink across the piano in our living room, sounding out a grim dirge that rings across the flat. Up and down on the lower note section of the keyboard he slowly stumbles, apparently until he’s absolutely positive that his […]

My cat, the Christmas asshole

My asshole cat won’t stop being an asshole and individually tearing every single decoration off of Becky’s Christmas tree (while I, admittedly, sit and do pretty much nothing about it). Anyway, a second ago, I decided that enough was probably enough, and walked over there to stop him, and as if he bloody knew, he […]

I came home to find my cat rolling around in a pile of cat nip, like some messed up smack junkie.

Murder, most foul…

I’m currently creeping around my living room with no lights, bar one candle, in the middle of the night. Becky is asleep on the sofa, Sherlock (the cat) is asleep on the tea table, and Moriarty (the other cat) is asleep on the carpet. I’m skulking around to get a glass of water ready on […]

Yet again, my cats have made absolutely no effort to celebrate my birthday.

Devil Pets

Every single night I hear my cats crashing and smashing and knocking things over in the other room. I hear them meowing and hissing and breaking things and tearing things, but then when I go through to survey the wreckage the following morning, there’s never a single item out of place. These fucking cats creep […]

Sure, I can set up comedy photos of my cats…

It’s not my fault that I just pissed on my cat…

So, my kitten Sherlock, has this obsession with being in our bathroom sink whenever the tap is running; so if I’m brushing my teeth or shaving or whatever, he’s right in there. It’s gotten to a point where he’s so desperate to play in the running water, that if he sees anyone walk into the […]

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