Tag Archives: Blog

20140331-181627.jpg March 31

Some people are just sick

PhilcUK-1274438506 February 03

The Crime of Religion

Religion has been a primary catalyst of war, genocide, murder, rape, destruction, oppression, segregation, and a million other overlapping offences during its reign over the human race; however, all of these I can forgive of religion, for one simple reason: It’s human nature, we’d do it anyway. The four horsemen of the apocalypse aren’t fictitious, […]

Felix’s Jeans: In Memoriam

Well, there you go. Times are officially tough. These are the only trousers I have that fit me, other than my black work trousers, and they now have a big rip in the knee. Not a ‘I bought it that way because I’m all anti-establishment and “who says jeans should be in-tact anyway” and stuff’ […]

Holiday Highlights: Most of what I remember from our trip to the Caribbean

Okay, let’s break this down a little. It’s mostly a blur of endlessly discussing which body of water, be it pool, beach, other pool, or other beach, to lie beside; but I shall try to jot down a loose itinerary of my two weeks in St Lucia. One thing that you can take as a […]

I’m tempted to get a dog just so that I can tell strangers in the street not to fucking pet it.

He lit up a cigarette and nodded his head towards one of the fairground games. ‘Hey, you see that whack-a-mole?’ he sneered at no one in particular, exhaling a cloud of thick smoke; ‘I hit that.’

image January 18

The Unheard Cries of A Misplaced Apostrophe

Poor little apostrophe. He knows his place, and more importantly, he knows when he’s not in it. Some, or all, will say that it isn’t really too important, and that as long as you get the gist of what is meant, then the grammatical semantics of the written word can probably fall by the wayside. […]

Felix’s Festive Escapades

Who wants to see Felix’s funderful photos?

Felix’s Productive Day

What I should do: 1. Organise my clothes. 2. Work on the book. 3. Tidy the flat. 4. Write up my next Impersonals article. 5. Do the washing up. 6. Look for a place to live back home. 7. Take the bins out. 8. Throw away the Christmas tree. 9. Post a late Christmas present […]

Sex: A Force for Evil?

Sex, like money, colours your pursuit of happiness from the moment it enters your life. You can alway have more money for better possessions, and you can always have more sex with ‘better‘ partners. It leaves us incapable of true fulfilment, a never ending cycle of the greener grass mentality. It becomes how we define […]

‘I don’t just take cocaine, doctor. I am cocaine.’ – Nicolas Cage, probably.

Rocky VII

Rocky: Adrian! Adriaaaan! Aaadriaaaan! AAADRIAAAAAN!! AAAAAADRIAAAAAAAN!! Adrian: What!? What, rocky!? Jesus Christ, with the constant yelling? I’m in the fucking kitchen! If you want to fucking talk to me, then fucking come in here and talk to me! Fuck!

Because I am *literally* on fire.

Is marriage an antiquated tradition?

This is a question I was asked recently, and I’ve decided to post the answer that I gave.

FELIX! An update…

So, starting from a couple of days ago, I have over TWO WEEKS off work, which is the most I’ve had off work in years; and considering how much I hate doing work, it’s pretty awesome. Becky and I have been frantically trying to book a holiday, but with not having any time together, and […]

Why I Shouldn’t be an English Teacher

In an unusually pedantic mood, I decided to… Actually, let me start again. In a usually pedantic mood, I decided to wander around my bar today and point out all of the things that contained grammatical and/or spelling errors; which, as it turns out, was just about everything. It started to annoy me to think […]

image September 06

‘Wisps of Hope’

There’s a little charity competition thing going at work at the moment, where customers can pay £1 to ‘name the bear‘, and the best name entry gets to keep it. Anyway, I was having a peer through all the entries today, and some absolute ass hat has entered the name Serendipity. For a teddy bear. […]

Don’t let the back bugs bite!

You know those annoying people who think they’re really observant and believe that they see stuff that other people don’t see, and who say things like “Yeah, I always notice little things like that.“ Well, I’m one of them, apart from I usually don’t, but occasionally probably do, say that last bit, and you’re going […]

image September 01

Life Online: Pop Psychology and Instant Messaging

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, yearning to breath free.” This is an extract from the poem that lies at the proud feet of America’s Statue of Liberty that, when first built, served as a beacon to travellers and immigrants as they neared their soon-to-be home. It served as a symbolic gateway […]

hatter August 21

A Brief Guide to Brewing One’s Tea

For too long have I borne sad witness to the folly of a coffee maker brewing a cup of tea. This isn’t some slap-dash, hasty, get it done fast kind of job; this is an art form. It takes time, precision, and patience. So don’t screw it up.

Political Correctness Gone Mad!

While at work today, I saw a group of men watching the BBC news, which at the time was featuring the story of Julian Assange and his stay at the Ecuadorian embassy. The ‘alpha‘ of the group started running his inebriated mouth of about how terrible it was that Assange was still able to stay […]

Always Coca-Cola

(I’d better get some free bottles for this, you tight bastards!)

Murder, most foul…

I’m currently creeping around my living room with no lights, bar one candle, in the middle of the night. Becky is asleep on the sofa, Sherlock (the cat) is asleep on the tea table, and Moriarty (the other cat) is asleep on the carpet. I’m skulking around to get a glass of water ready on […]

Sorry, Earth people. Felix will be away for a few more days.

We, the pirate aliens, have taken him away. Long live Captain Glorknidt.

“Weird!”

So, I’ll try to make this brief… There may be a few tangents, and I’m really tired. I was walking home from work tonight, exhausted after 13 hours shared between two jobs. It was about 11.45 at night and on my side of the street ahead of me was a pack of youths. I don’t […]

Half a letter for a finger… Confusing title, eh?

I went to get my ring finger sized yesterday, I won’t go into why… Anyway! I tried on a test ring, and was told that if I had a normal ring, I would be a size R. No problems so far. However, the lady then said that if I were to get a broader ring, […]

I went to see Batman tonight…

The movie, I mean… not the guy: that’d be crazy. Anyway, I’m not going to talk about that, you’re not interested in my ‘review’. What I will talk about however, is the three guys sat behind Becky and I. It’s weird, I’m pretty much a robot; with all my disassociation and PTSD, I pretty much […]

Attention, internet! Help contribute artwork to my new book!

So, as some of you may know; I’m currently writing a book of funny, ridiculously made-up, animal facts. The original idea was to have my girlfriend, Becky, draw some simple sketches for each one; but as the list has gotten longer and longer, I’ve had a cool idea… The book is designed to be almost […]

Felix’s Incredible 100% True Animal Facts – Volume 3

Enclosed, please find a list of unbelievable animal facts. These facts have been well researched and documented, by proper professional people, and as such you can be assured of their absolute authenticity. No bullshit here, folks.

My Secret Dream

I have a secret dream in life, that I hold close to my heart. I’m prepared to reveal it to you, dear friends, because I trust you, and love you. This is my dream…

The Olympic Torch comes to town… Great…

It passed through my town tonight. It went right past the window at work, and I didn’t even care enought to rotate my neck 70 degrees to the left. Then the fireworks started. Everyone ran outside to watch. I carried on working. I would rather work, then watch fireworks. Where is all the fucking joy […]

A Tribute to Black Hair and Eye Liner: Cheerful Alexander and his struggle to fit in with the goth kids

This is a story about a boy named Alexander Green. Alexander really wanted to be a goth. Lots of boys at his school were goth kids and he thought they were very cool. He would often try to hang out with them, but they told him to go away because of his apparent love of […]

Muslim Immigration in the UK: A humanitarian atheist’s view

Unlike where I grew up, which had a decent(ish) mixture of races and cultures, the place I currently live is quite segregated; and as such, a lot of the people here have quite a myopic view on the subject of middle-eastern immigration. “They should go back where they came from.” There’s a famous, but often […]

Faux Pas of The Day

A guy I know showed me a Facebook profile picture of a girl on his phone today. He had covered up her face, leaving only a fairly large, not fat but ‘chunky’, body, with thick legs and a barrel-chest. Guy: What do you think of that? Alright body, eh? I naturally assumed this to be […]

Best Fucking Friends Forever!

It’s a weird concept, isn’t it; to have a ‘best‘ friend. I find it strange enough; the notion that while you may have lots of friends, one of them in particular is universally agreed to be the one that you like the most, but what’s even stranger is when someone refers to themselves as someone […]

cutting May 24

Self Harm: The social stigmas and erroneous assumptions that your scars may lead to…

There are a lot of misunderstandings about self-harm, many of which have lead to ostracising behaviour and unfair prejudices. I try not to write too often about anything personal on this blog, but I was confronted with a reminder of this topic at work today, when a cute, young girl came up to order a […]

haircut May 23

Cutting: The Internal and External Crises we go through when faced with Hair Salon smalltalk

I went to have my haircut recently; yet another of those tedious tasks that I perform, partly as a sort of ritual to show that I do (or at least, pretend to) take some pride in my appearance, and partly because my hair kept poking me in the eyes, and it was on the verge […]

I think this might be the best thing I’ve ever done…

A Harrowing Valentine’s…

I returned home from work, late last night, to find my girlfriend still awake and sitting on the couch. She ran over and gave me a kiss, and then excitedly told me that she had a present for me. She darted off to grab something from a plastic bag, and coyly sauntered over to me. […]

Today’s Wearisome Adventure

I’m working my second job again today, and then as soon as I finish cashing up here after an 8 and a half hour day, I have to run home, get changed, and then run to the next town to work my second job for another 5 hours or so. There’s a bottle of toxic […]

R.I.P. Felix’s Guitar

My beautiful guitar, Silver Jimmy (don’t ask) is being sold tomorrow. Given that my first guitar was stolen, it’s my oldest at almost five years and definitely the nicest looking. But alas, he’s not being played enough anymore. I tend to favour my acoustics, and the negligence will only cause him to become further warped […]

That time our totally legitimate alternative indie band went to the woods…

So some friends and I went to the woods the other day, and decided that we were going to temporarily form an alt-rock indie band for some pretentious photography. We mostly just use tambourines. Anyway, this is our totally serious, legitimate photo shoot.

I was going to write a post regarding my support for gay rights, and my sadness towards homophobia…

But then I realised, what really needs to be said? Anyone who thinks any less of someone because of their sexuality is a fucking moron, and that’s pretty obvious. There’s very little more to add. I needn’t list all the reasons why homophobia is wrong, or even all the reasons why the bible’s condemnation of […]

Streets of Pink

I walked in to work the other day, and there was this giant tree at the top of a hill that leads down into town. Well, apparently this tree blossomed overnight or something, because I had to walk amidst literally a giant cloud of tiny, pink petals that, given the strong winds, had literally covered […]

That time I may or may not have been super mean to a tramp…

So when I went out today, I was planning on going via the bank to pay in my holiday fund. I took the whole bundle, a little more than a fair few hundred, and headed off. However, I forgot to take into account that I was a moron, so naturally the bank was closed, it […]

What the hell is ‘A Good Day’?

I find it weird, the concept of ‘a good day’. A good day for me might, if I’m lucky, involve me leaving the house. I define a good day as a day where I don’t have to go to work, but I shower anyway. There are stock brokers and computer nerds and sports stars and […]

An attack on the religion, and not the religious…

There’s a little rant that I’d like to get off my chest, but I certainly don’t want it to misunderstood, or misinterpreted. I hate religion. Now, this is a very bold statement of course, and any initial presumptions you might have for my meaning need to be set aside for a moment. I don’t hate […]

Me so clever…

While at work today, I was showing a co-worker how to do something that they couldn’t quite figure out. After I finished explaining it to them, I jokingly quipped about how ‘super clever’ I was, while unbeknownst to myself, the back of the pen that I thought I was scratching my forehead with at the […]

Here’s an optimistic thought…

One of the most significant, discussed, showcased and difficult tasks that humans participate in, is the search for a mate; for a romantic companion, for love. However, everything that has a beginning, inevitably has an end. Nothing lasts for ever, and as such, every relationship we make in life is on an immediate descent towards […]

Corrupting the Innocent – How a children’s TV show convinced me never to procreate…

I got home from work today to find my 22 year old girlfriend watching children’s TV show, Charlie and Lola, so being the easily amused dullard that I am; I, also 22, decided to watch it with her; and yes, of course I was bound to find something amidst the bright colours and soft voices […]

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