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I hate people constantly over-describing themselves as ‘sarcastic’, as if it’s one of their main character traits. ‘Hi, I’m Felix. I’m 6’2″, dark-haired, sarcastic.’ You can’t just be sarcastic. Are you being sarcastic when you call yourself sarcastic, because you can’t identify your entire being as ‘sarcastic’ if what you mean is ‘I often, but […]

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Me: Okay, time to check Facebook.

Facebook App: Oh, hey. You, uh, want me to open?

Me: Yeah, thanks.

Facebook App: Ooh, might take a while.

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There’s a little charity competition thing going at work at the moment, where customers can pay £1 to ‘name the bear‘, and the best name entry gets to keep it. Anyway, I was having a peer through all the entries today, and some absolute ass hat has entered the name Serendipity. For a teddy bear. […]

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It was a long night on the bar tonight, and with me to bear it was Simon, one of the new bartenders. I’ll cut this story short and get straight to the fun part. Before long we got bored enough to start playing ‘the cat game’, wherein you try to sneak the word ‘meow’ into serving a customer. Anyway, we started getting really brave with this, but no one was catching on; even when we were bursting out laughing at overhearing each other. Eventually, we decided to spice it up by just saying random animal names. It still didn’t work, because no one ever listens to the people serving them. Before long it was just a tirade of nonsense words and gibberish. This is how far it all got, and this is a genuine, exact transcript.

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What has happened to her face? That’s the front page headline I saw when a co-worker handed me the newspaper yesterday. It’s no secret how much I loath the British tabloids (as posts like ‘Why I can’t look at The Sun‘ and ‘The Anatomy of The Brain (of a Tabloid Reader)‘ will tell you), but this particular case seems to be extremely low on the integrity scale, even by their warped, money-grubbing, sensationalising standards.

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