It’s going to be a joke compilation and expansion of my previous Animal Facts posts; basically a huge collection of some of the scientific sounding, but completely made up and utterly stupid, wildlife stories that I post. I’m about a third of the way through it, I think.
I’m going to post up a link when I’ve published it, if I ever bloody figure out how to do so, and I hope that some of you guys will help me with a few link reposts and downloads! It would honestly mean the world to me. It’s going to be a cheap, short, silly little book; but at the same time, it will be the first real proactive thing I’ve ever done to get myself towards being what I want to be, which is of course, a writer.
Everyone who buys a copy gets to know that they’ve made me absolutely delighted.
Not good enough? Fine, I’ll post you a Kit Kat or something, I don’t know.
Enclosed, please find a list of unbelievable animal facts. These facts have been well researched and documented, by proper professional people, and as such you can be assured of their absolute authenticity. No bullshit here, folks.
I’ll be honest; I like bees, and I get that bees are important. The necessity of insect pollination is the reason the world is full of lovely, pretty, sweet smelling flowers. I like honey, that’s cool. I like looking at bumble bees, they’re cute. I like the noise. I like the way that when they sting something, they die, because it makes them seem like anthophila suicide bombers.
Having said that, after reading about “a steep decline in bee populations”, I’m really struggling to think of something I could possibly give less of a fuck about.
I mean, come on… Most of us barely care about the African genocides. How can we bee (get it?) expected to care about insect genocides…?
P.S. I want to meet the nutty scientist who said “There don’t seem to be quite as many bees around as there used to be.”
Enclosed, please find a list of unbelievable (and rightly so) animal facts. These facts have been well researched and documented and as such, it would be very wise to read them openly and assume that everything you are about to hear is completely true and is most certainly not a load of absolute twaddle.