Category Archives: The Mind of Ian Jackson

A sneak-peek into the baffling brain of my somewhat slow-witted work colleague, Mr Ian Jackson.

Conversations with Ian – An idiot’s guide to the gist of The Second World War

Posted by Felix O'Shea on

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Felix: Okay, starting in 1939, take me through the history of The Second World War.

Ian: ’39 to ’45?

Felix: Uh, yeah. Well done.

Ian: Okay, right. Once upon a time…

Felix: Great start.

Ian: Once upon a time, there was this guy called Adolf Hitler. Got his ass whooped by some English people. Prior to that he was just a young guy growing up thinking ‘How can I conquer the world‘. Who put that seed into his head? Who knows. Uncle? Godfather? Whatever. Anyway, he got his posse of German friends together.

Felix: Haha, right. This is already utterly bewildering, but okay. Then what?

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Conversations with Ian – The Molecule and The Water

Posted by Felix O'Shea on

 

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FELIX: We should have a chat again sometime, Ian. About, uhh… I don’t know, anything. The Egyptian revolution.

IAN: Fuck’s sake. Not all that. Sphinx an’ Pyramids an’ shit. What came first, the sand or the stone?

FELIX: Yup, that’ll do. That’s the Egyptian revolution covered.

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Conversations with Ian – Any time, any place.

Posted by Felix O'Shea on

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Felix: Okay… Here’s one. If you could travel through time and space, to be anywhere in the world, at any point in history, where and when would you go?
Ian: Good question.
Felix: And you will of course have to elaborate on your answer.
Ian: Okay. The start of the universe.
Felix: Uhh… Why?
Ian: See the big ka-boom-boom.
Felix: How… But if you go back to before there was a universe; where would you be existing?
Ian: Well, I’d just pop over to see it, and then pop back.
Felix: But you’d die…
Ian: Not if I was in the Tardis from Doctor Who.
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Conversations with Ian – Tom Cruise and The Babysitter

Posted by Felix O'Shea on

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Felix: What’s your favourite film?
Ian: Uhh… I’ve got two.
Felix: Well, what are they?
Ian: One’s Top Gun and one’s Armageddon.
Felix: … Those are both… Awful. Why? Armageddon?
Ian: Yeah, it’s kinda funny.
Felix: Funny? What’s funny about Armageddon; there’s not a single joke in that film.
Ian: It’s humour…
Felix: Okay… So, so why Top Gun? That’s pretty homoerotic.
Ian: It’s just… It’s a movie… It’s a movie I watched with my babysitter when I was fifteen and she was twenty… … three.
Felix: How does that impact on the film?
Ian: ‘Cause I remember I went to see it, I was into aeroplanes at the time. So I watched the movie Top Gun.
Felix: Well, why does it matter about the babysitter?
Ian: ‘Cause she were to… Mah… The babysitter were babysitting me when I wanted to watch the movie.
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Conversations with Ian – Bish Bash Bosh Big Bang

Posted by Felix O'Shea on

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FELIX: Do you believe in life on other planets?

IAN: Probably… If I saw a ship, then yes. Little green men on other planets, yes. Esstravesstra.

FELIX: What? I can’t write this down if it doesn’t make any sense.

IAN: Esstralestious…

FELIX: Are you trying to say ‘extraterrestrial’?

IAN: Yes.

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Conversations with Ian – Oh, to be British

Posted by Felix O'Shea on

After seeing a news story regarding immigration…

IAN: We spend so much on immigration… Can’t they just go back where they came from?

FELIX: Well, maybe they come from a country that is impoverished or war-torn or without basic human rights…

IAN: That’s their fault…

FELIX: No, it’s not. It’s just the luck of where they happen to be born. An English politician once said something about how being born in England is like winning first prize in the lottery of life.

IAN: Who said that?

FELIX: He was a politician or a businessman or something.

IAN: Right… I know he’s dead but…

FELIX: You don’t know he’s dead…

IAN: Well, he needs escavatin’ and shoved back in a hole with a cap in his head.

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Ian Jackson Vs. the iPhone 4

Posted by Felix O'Shea on

It’s not easy to set up and install an iPhone. That’s what people say. In reality, it is easy… It’s just time consuming and a little bit annoying.

However, if anyone out there happens to also be Ian Jackson, then things are about to get very tricky indeed.
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Conversations with Ian – A Compilation

Posted by Felix O'Shea on

First up, I have one sent it by Carles Nunns, where Ian met Carles’ friend Steve for the first time…

 

IAN: A’right, Steve. What do you do?

STEVE: I’m training to be an architect.

IAN: … … … Must be interesting digging up all those old bones.

 

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