This is what a pretty girl told me yesterday. She was at the bar and may, or may not, have been drunk; or maybe she was just half-drunk. Either way, I still got it, bitches.
I like this size for a text post. Everyone happy with a short punchy paragraph? I should do this more often. I haven’t been blogging all that much lately, possibly because I’m bereft of new stimuli, but I can totally blag my way through a few sentences like this every now and then, right?
It feels good to be posting anything, if I’m honest. Sometimes I feel like I’m [continues talking until the short punchy paragraph becomes a massively tedious essay that everyone gets sick of reading half way through].
So there’s this guy called Hamlet, and he’s pretty hot.
His uncle is trying to bang his mum, or whatever.
His dad got killed and he’s all super upset about it and does loads of sexy brooding and stuff and talking to himself, which is totally crazy, but also kinda hot.
He has some cute friends with Jewishey names.
There’s a bit about a pirate ship (pirates are gross).
His girlfriend is totally crazy (like Lindsey Lohan crazy), but she’s pretty hot too so Hamlet is cool with it.
Her brother is kinda hot, but he’s also, like, a total mega-huge douchebag and is, like, really mad at Hamlet.
At the end, pretty much everybody dies, except maybe Hamlet’s BFF or something, who is also hot.
Also, Hamlet has a pet chihuahua.
Step One: Piss on his leg.
Step Two: Improvise.