I’ll tell you right from the start: You guys are going to be so disappointed by that title.

As you may know, I’ve been away for a week in the south of France. A lot happened, there are a tonne of cool pictures to sort through, and I’ll get to it all in time. I thought I’d quickly share one particular highlight with you now, however… but just to warn you: it’s fucking disgusting.

So there I was with Becky, laying out on the beach. I was reminiscing about the view that met us as we walked along the promenade to find an empty spot. Row after row of beautiful topless French girls littered the coast. I know, right? Anyway, we set up our spot, and got to some serious sunbathing.

Now, beside us was a fairly large, free area, so I figured someone would come before long and take it up: a trio of semi-nude gymnasts perhaps, or a cadre of part time supermodels. Unfortunately, no sooner had these delightful thoughts flitted across my mind, than a lady indeed appeared to take the prized spot… which, by the way, could have been about ten feet by ten feet and her fat ass would have still been too big for it.

Don’t get me wrong; I have no problem with ‘bigger‘ girls in any way, but this was like health risk big. This was “Do they deliver to the couch?” big. This was ‘balance a bucket of fried chicken on her overhanging stomach while sticking spare barbecued ribs into the numerous folds of her gut‘ big… and yes, she was topless; and yes, it was super fucking grim. I wasn’t actively looking or anything, mind. It was just… there.

Anyway, I stick in the earphones and roll away. It’s cool, I don’t need to see that; but fast forward a couple of minutes, and I sadly need to roll back. We were on a stone beach, and my god those bastards were painful, and my right shoulder was totally numb. So back I roll, and I’m greeted by a sight that literally made me shiver. It was… I mean… It wasn’t okay.

Of all the fine French girls on that beach, I had to be lying next to the one naked, middle aged, unkept, morbidly obese woman, publicly filing corns off of her feet.

Fuck you, France. Thanks for the fucking holiday.

Join the conversation! 3 Comments

  1. And I literally live right next to it.

    Reply
  2. Good lord, the irony! And here I was convinced there were no fat people in France. Thanks for shattering that fantasy. ;)

    Reply
  3. :)))) Eh, I had a similar shock when going to the beach in Brighton. But it wasn’t a morbidly obese woman, it was a 60 yr old woman looking like Mother Time fondling the naked breasts of a 20yr old hottie and then covering them with sunscreen… I knew there were a lot of same-sex couples at the beach as I’ve seen two guys walking hand in hand before, but this kinda turned my stomach… so I prefer seeing a large whale stranded on the French beach – at least it gives enough shadow.

    Reply

Leave me your thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

About Felix O'Shea

Felix is a guy who isn't actually a writer, but calls himself one when he wants to try to impress gullible people.

Category

Weird things that somehow happen to me

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,