Monthly Archives: April 2012

image April 29

Sorry, Allah… But 72 virgins sounds exhausting!

Being the pedantic arse that I am, I’m going to ask a few (presumably unanswerable) questions about the Islamic heaven, historically referred to as ‘Jannah‘. We all know a few of the key elements of this paradise, 72 virgins, giant palaces for everyone, rivers of milk and honey, and so on, and as I read […]

Why I whole-heartedly love my bed…

Literally from the second I grudgingly get out of bed in the morning (or quite often, the afternoon), all I want to do is get back in it. Sometimes if I do get into bed and it’s only the early afternoon, I’ll literally get giddy with excitement and just sit there wriggling around in pure […]

We did a cover of the Adventure Time theme song… Because we’re adorable.

My cheerful mood always shines through with the shit I draw at work

If I ever did a stand up comedy gig…

I have my opener worked out. I’d walk out onto the stage totally naked, just with my hands covering my crotch-area. I’d act really unsure and confused, and I’d stand there for a few seconds until everyone went quiet. Then, with a look of stupid realisation on my face, I’d say: “Ooohh… Picture the audience […]

Thank you, god… For only taking away ONE of my legs.

So here’s something that caught my eye. For my American followers, this is the story of a young football (soccer) player named Fabrice Muamba, who had a heart attack on the pitch a few days ago, but is now recovering well. A friend of mine, Charlie, pointed something out to me after seeing this story, […]

Devil Pets

Every single night I hear my cats crashing and smashing and knocking things over in the other room. I hear them meowing and hissing and breaking things and tearing things, but then when I go through to survey the wreckage the following morning, there’s never a single item out of place. These fucking cats creep […]

Sure, I can set up comedy photos of my cats…

The Saddest Man Alive

*Ring Ring* Me: Good afternoon; The Angel Inn. Guy: Oh, hi there. Umm… I was just wondering if I could ask you a quick question.

That time I may or may not have been super mean to a tramp…

So when I went out today, I was planning on going via the bank to pay in my holiday fund. I took the whole bundle, a little more than a fair few hundred, and headed off. However, I forgot to take into account that I was a moron, so naturally the bank was closed, it […]

What the hell is ‘A Good Day’?

I find it weird, the concept of ‘a good day’. A good day for me might, if I’m lucky, involve me leaving the house. I define a good day as a day where I don’t have to go to work, but I shower anyway. There are stock brokers and computer nerds and sports stars and […]

An attack on the religion, and not the religious…

There’s a little rant that I’d like to get off my chest, but I certainly don’t want it to misunderstood, or misinterpreted. I hate religion. Now, this is a very bold statement of course, and any initial presumptions you might have for my meaning need to be set aside for a moment. I don’t hate […]

Titanic 2: Iceberg, Dead Ahead!

As I mentioned in my last post, to commemorate the sinking of the Titanic one hundred years ago, the surviving relatives are all embarking on a suspiciously similar sounding cruise ship, destined for the site of the original sinking. While this may be a mind-blowing and moronic concept, it will at least pave the way […]

Of all the stupid ideas…

Surviving relatives of the victims of the Titanic disaster have all boarded a cruise ship, destined to take them to the site of the original ship’s downfall. Now… Call me cynical, but I’m pretty sure I can’t think of a worse possible way to mark the anniversary of such an event than by a shot […]

Me so clever…

While at work today, I was showing a co-worker how to do something that they couldn’t quite figure out. After I finished explaining it to them, I jokingly quipped about how ‘super clever’ I was, while unbeknownst to myself, the back of the pen that I thought I was scratching my forehead with at the […]

Here’s an optimistic thought…

One of the most significant, discussed, showcased and difficult tasks that humans participate in, is the search for a mate; for a romantic companion, for love. However, everything that has a beginning, inevitably has an end. Nothing lasts for ever, and as such, every relationship we make in life is on an immediate descent towards […]

Corrupting the Innocent – How a children’s TV show convinced me never to procreate…

I got home from work today to find my 22 year old girlfriend watching children’s TV show, Charlie and Lola, so being the easily amused dullard that I am; I, also 22, decided to watch it with her; and yes, of course I was bound to find something amidst the bright colours and soft voices […]

Felix’s Top Five Awesome Science Facts of The Day

I bet some of you haven’t even thought of your Top Five Awesome Science Facts of The Day, but help is at hand, because I’ve done the leg work for you, and your Awesome Science Facts are being brought straight to your screen. So, without further delay:

I wonder if this has anything to do with why I don’t have many friends at work…

Me: You know, instead of reading that book, you could actually help me do some work. Co-worker: I’m not technically reading. It’s a book of photos. Me: I know, I know. I just assumed that looking at a picture book would be the closest you’d ever get to reading, and I wanted to sound encouraging. […]

It’s not my fault that I just pissed on my cat…

So, my kitten Sherlock, has this obsession with being in our bathroom sink whenever the tap is running; so if I’m brushing my teeth or shaving or whatever, he’s right in there. It’s gotten to a point where he’s so desperate to play in the running water, that if he sees anyone walk into the […]

That time we went to a ruined Abbey…

So Becky and I managed to muster up the energy to do something with ourselves this Sunday. We headed out to a little ruined Abbey an hour out of town and preceded to take stupid pictures in front of confused onlookers. So, yeah… These are those pictures.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 9,437 other followers