Yeah, I’d like to file a formal complaint about how young children play board games.

I’ve always been the youngest in my family, so I’ve never had to interact with kids all that much; but after four years living with my girlfriend and not far from her family, of whom she is the eldest in her generation, I’m forced to interact with young kids an awful lot.

Now here’s the thing. I’m occasionally roped into ‘helping out’ when it comes to entertaining them; and I’m fine with that, honestly, it’s cool. However, every now and then, this will evolve into more than looking at a drawing or throwing them up in the air, and I’ll perhaps be forced to play a board game with them… And therein lies the problem.

As soon as I start winning, and let’s face it, I will because I’m an adult and can therefore maintain a cognitive thought for more than four seconds, they start getting annoyed… And then they start cheating.

And I’m supposed to just let that happen, right? I try to smile through gritted teeth and say some passive aggressive rubbish like “No, that’s not how we play…”, but then they just get fussy with me, leaving me no choice but to sit there and take it, like a bitch, lest I look like I’m not ‘playing nice‘ with them. Why should this be acceptable? If the kid says “moo” when we ask what noise a dog makes, then surely the child should be reprimanded in some way, in lieu of the more commonplace ‘Oh, close enough, cue the heartwarming laughter‘ procedure.

Anyway, after sitting there for what I’m pretty sure is eternity; watching, having to tolerate them while they roll the dice over and over till they get a six, or move my piece back, or redo a turn that they messed up, I eventually just impotently concede to let them win.

And here’s the best part. Here’s where it gets really out of hand. The real kicker, the god damn punch line, is that they then have the audacity, the misguided confidence, to gloat about their victory. And I mean, gloat. Like, this can go on for hours.

And they get away with it, because they’re only children…

Who’re the real idiots in this story? Who’re the reallesser developed‘ ones? Because I tell you, those little fuckers have it easy… Meanwhile I’m busting my balls trying to survive the weary, drudging tedium of all of life’s little fuck you’s; so to come home at the end of it all, and have to endure the humiliation of an unjust defeat, as well as the berating that follows, all at the hands of someone who doesn’t even have to wipe their own arse?

Yeah… We should definitely go easy on them… After all they’re only kids.

They’re only god damn kids.