Monthly Archives: March 2012

The Evolution of Man

Single Guy Guy: Hey, what’s wrong. You seem upset. Girl: Nothing. I’m fine. Guy: Oh, right. Cool, sorry. Short term relationship Guy Guy: Hey, what’s wrong. You seem upset. Girl: Nothing. I’m fine. Guy: Hey, come on. You know you can talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong. Long term relationship Guy Guy: Hey, what’s […]

A recent study has linked pesticides to plunging bee populations…

I’ll be honest; I like bees, and I get that bees are important. The necessity of insect pollination is the reason the world is full of lovely, pretty, sweet smelling flowers. I like honey, that’s cool. I like looking at bumble bees, they’re cute. I like the noise. I like the way that when they […]

Yeah, I’d like to file a formal complaint about how young children play board games.

I’ve always been the youngest in my family, so I’ve never had to interact with kids all that much; but after four years living with my girlfriend and not far from her family, of whom she is the eldest in her generation, I’m forced to interact with young kids an awful lot. Now here’s the […]

The Fashion Sense Labotomy

I was strolling through town a couple of days ago, pretending I wasn’t late for work, when I came across an unusual sight. There was a young lady who looked no older than maybe twelve or thirteen. She had giant sunglasses and a backwards cap, a ‘top’ that was barely more than a bra (I […]

My girlfriend’s everlasting shoe hunt…

Every other step I tread at home, I’m tripping over a pair of my girlfriend’s shoes… And yet every time we’re within a mile of a shop, like a shark detecting blood in the ocean, she’ll scream “I really need to get some new shoes!” and be running off before I can say a word […]

I accidentally let the last song I listened to before work be a depressing heartbreak song, and now my co-workers won’t let me hug them.

There’s nothing quite as disappointing as disappointing chewing gum.

Have any of you guys ever tried that 5 gum? It’s the most over-hyped chewing gum ever conceived. The ridiculously hyperbolic marketing equates it to ‘standing in the spot where lightning just struck‘ and they have adverts like the one where a guy lies down on a gigantic speaker covered in ball bearings, and then […]

Honestly, you think it’s bad to sleep with someone without knowing their name? Half the time when I sleep with someone, I don’t even know their species.

But it was so beatiful!

This morning, my girlfriend dropped her favourite bowl and it smashed on the floor. She immediately ran out of the room and I found her in the kitchen crying and saying “But it was so beautiful!” I can’t wait ’till we one day have a kid that I can accidentally kill.

If you’re not going to help me find my cat, you could at least smile at me as I continue my futile search…

This article has the added bonus of containing a back story!

I have dreams about dying, and nightmares about not dying!

Felix O’Shea – People Person

As I walked to work this morning, some people stopped me to ask me for directions to a nearby hotel. I wasn’t totally sure, but I had a feeling that it was down the road I was heading down, but in a sudden panic, I told them that I thought it was in the opposite […]

This is the way the world ends…

The 21st of December, 2012. Supposedly, that’s the day the world will end, so says the great Mayan Prophecy. It doesn’t matter how many people have said that this was a misconstrued translation, that had nothing to do with the end of the world. It doesn’t matter how many people point out that neither the […]

King of the Freaking Toilets

188393_10150267116988418_7573169_n March 15

Conversations with Ian – The Molecule and The Water

    FELIX: We should have a chat again sometime, Ian. About, uhh… I don’t know, anything. The Egyptian revolution.   IAN: Fuck’s sake. Not all that. Sphinx an’ Pyramids an’ shit. What came first, the sand or the stone?   FELIX: Yup, that’ll do. That’s the Egyptian revolution covered.  

The Best Customer I’ve Ever Had

I was serving a kindly old man at the bar today. He had come for lunch, as he has often done since his wife died recently. He’s probably near 90 and, despite his frailty, is always very nice and polite and funny. Today when he came, there was a little boy screaming and shouting in […]

The Americans found bin Laden in a compound in Pakistan, yet I still can’t find my girlfriend’s car keys in her hand bag.

THE MAYAN PROPHECY IS not BULLSHIT

The year is 2012. The ancient Mayans famously predicted that the world would end. I’ll never know what I was going to be when I got older. They said that on the 21st of December, we would all die. It’s sad, but it’s true. Everyone, this is the last year we have to live our […]

A Fool’s Language…

After I wrote a joke on my Twitter involving the word ‘aeroplane‘, I received a response from one of my followers, politely informing me that it was in fact correctly spelled ‘airplane‘. Obviously I was very cordial in then informing them that ‘airplane‘ was the Americanised spelling of the word, and they conceded that “there […]

If any of you guys ever start to feel lonely or depressed, just click over to YouTube and remind yourself of Will Smith’s incredible music career.

A decapitation of logic

I recently found out that an Iranian New York TV executive, who created a channel aimed at countering muslim stereotypes, was found guilty of the beheading of his wife after she filed for divorce. Now maybe I’m looking too much into this, but is he really helping in the fight against negative muslim stereotypes…? If he absolutely had to […]

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