Felix’s Incredible 100% True Animal Facts – Volume 1
Listed below are some genuine animal facts, all of which are well documented and researched.
1. Lions are afraid of barn owls. Barn owls are not afraid of lions. Rare interaction nullifies the significance of this.
2. Punching a shark on the nose to stun it is only effective because it brings back childhood memories of parental abuse.
3. Guinea pigs are more genetically similar to butterflies, than to pigs. They are called Guinea Pigs because their evolutionary ancestors were the messiest eaters in all of Papua New Guinea.
4. The reason that Pandas are notoriously difficult to mate in captivity, is that all Pandas are, in fact, homosexual. In the wild, Pandas will draw straws to decide who must impregnate a female, for the continuation of the species. A tradition which has since become lapsed.
5. Despite their name and reputation, sloths are capable of tremendous speed and unparalleled tree-top acrobatics. The reason for their perceived demeanour is that they are in fact bi-polar, and while being regularly seen behaving slowly and remorsefully on a ‘down’ day, they are too quick to be spotted on an ‘up’ day.
6. Koalas are allergic to remorse. If any mistake is committed by a koala, it will not hesitate to climb the highest branch of the nearest tree and fling itself to a fatal drop, rather than become subdued by the slow and debilitating effects of its allergy.
7. Overconsumption of bananas causes cancer in most species of monkey. Most species of monkey are aware of this fact, but continue to eat bananas frequently.
8. There are several undiscovered species of platypus that are both invisible and intangible, making them extremely difficult to document. All that is know about them is that their flatulence binds with oxygen atoms in the air to create the purest, freshest water, promoting rapid, fertile plant growth in surrounding areas.
9. The bony tusks protruding from the mouth of a walrus are actually the evolutionary remnants of what were once wings. By natural selection and mutation, the face-winged walrus quickly died out, after so many suffered fatal crashes, due to the wings positioning obscuring the walrus’ vision.
10. After being widely researched, it has been observed that when threatened, a bonobo monkey will begin a supposedly intimidating display known as ‘windmilling’, whereby it holds its penis at the base and begins spinning it in circles. If the predatory threatener has a smaller penis relative to its own body size, it must leave the bonobo in peace. However, if it has a larger penis relative to its body size, and displays it as such, the bonobo will attempt to remove its own penis and offer it to the predator in exchange for its safety.