Batman’s Dick

A very immature discussion between Bruce Wayne (Batman) and Dick Grayson (Other Batman/Robin/Nightwing)

Bruce: So, uhh… Dick… You ever think about being called Richard?

Dick: Not really. I’ve always been a ‘Dick’.

Bruce: Hehe… Uhh, yeah… But I mean, it’s a bit old fashioned isn’t it. I mean, I’m sure it wasn’t that weird in 1939 or something, but nowadays it’s probably not that common.

Dick: Why not? What’s wrong with ‘Dick’?

Bruce: No… Nothing’s wrong with… That. I just mean, Richard is maybe a better name. Sounds a bit classier, maybe. Would you not rather people call you Richard?

Dick: Some people do. People I don’t know that well tend to call me Richard, except for Alfred, but he’s just being proper, but those closest to me know me as a ‘Dick’.

Bruce: Right, okay… But do you not get what I’m driving at here!? Do you not see why ‘Dick’ is a pretty bad name!?

Dick: Yeah, I get it, Bruce. People always make ‘Dick’ jokes, but at the end of the day, my parents used to call me Dick, so I want to stay with Dick. I love Dick.

Bruce: Pffthahaha…

Dick: Grow up, Bruce. Besides… Starfire liked Dick. Barbera Gordon liked Dick. Have you ever slept with Catalina Flores!?

Bruce: No… But have you ever slept with Selina Kyle?

Dick: No… But… Have you?

Bruce: I… I’m not sure actually… Maybe? Probably?

Dick: Whatever, I don’t care. I like ‘Dick’ and I’m keeping it, so deal with it.

Bruce: No, it’s not that I don’t like ‘Dick’… It’s just… Ahh, never mind.