Is that Green Lantern over there hooking on a street corner?

Okay, a bit late, but I have to say this…

Ryan Reynolds: I like you. You were really good in Smokin’ Aces, and probably other stuff that I haven’t seen… You popped up on scrubs, that was funny. You were the only glimmer of okay-ishness in the otherwise deplorable X-Men: Origins movie. From what I know about you, you’re pretty decent. I like you.

Hal Jordan: I like you too. I like your relationship with Oliver Queen, the funny back and forth and the camaraderie . Rebirth was a good book. You always pop up in the crossovers and you always make a good ‘hero’ impression. I usually can’t be bothered with the whole ‘Green Lantern Corps‘ mythos, but when I see you in other things, I’m pleased you’re there. Like I said, I like you.

Ryan Reynolds portraying Hal Jordan in the upcoming Green Lantern movie. Fuck off. Not a chance. It looks atrocious.

Despite being a huge DC comics fan, I rarely get even a tickle of excitement about a comic book movie. The new Batman ones are okay if you don’t think of them as ‘Batman’ and Superman Returns was pretty cool but every else seemed to hate it… But just because Marvel are selling everything they can think of to vomit out this string of sub-standard (speaking on behalf of someone I imagine to be a Marvel fan, because personally I hate the few I have seen) movies that seem to poke their heads out whenever Marvel fancy some more money, that doesn’t mean that DC should have pawned off the Green Lantern name into a film industry that doesn’t look set to adequately take care of it.

Be patient guys… These beloved characters have been around for so long, and just because Marvel is now whoring out their endless list of ‘not-that-famous’ characters for their film series, it doesn’t mean you should panic and throw one of your most marketable (and currently centre-stage) heroes to the dogs just to capitalise on a bogus trend.

I knew from the first few seconds of the trailer, when we see the jokey one-night-stand frat boy that Ryan Reynolds has given us, that this movie was going to be a massive “fuck you” to the loyal fans of the character. As I said, I’m not particularly one of them, but being familiar with the no-jokes, straight-arrow cop figure that he is, it was a sign of things to come. Hal Jordan is definitely one of the big ones, and if he has been dropped into the shark tank, then the heroes I love, Oliver QueenTim Drake/Wayne, Wally West; well what’s to say they too won’t soon be whored out for a few extra dollars that will destroy their credibility in a way they can never fully recover from.

It’s a bit like having sex with someone really ugly. No matter where you go in life, whatever you do, whoever you’re with… You will always be the person that fucked that ugly chick.

So please, guys: prove me wrong… Because would you look at that, I think Hal Jordan may just be nut deep in a fucking minger.

Oh, and by the way Hal… You look ridiculous.