The World According to a Crazy Scottish Girl – An Interview with Jayde Campbell

I decided to interview Jayde, a young scottish girl I work with, about her thoughts on a few famous figures… And yes, it is as hard to read as she is to understand.

The Queen of England – She’s a cow. Ah ‘ate her. She jus’ sits on ‘er ass all daye. Doing nuffin’… Wavin’ ‘er wee, stupid hand. Betch. Wanna shoot ‘er in ‘er fayce.

The Pope – *Gasp* Doon’t eevan start. Ah ‘ate ‘im as we’w. ‘Im an ‘is wee, stupid hat an ‘is wee, stupid dress an ‘is wee, stupid stick. Wank’er.

Adolf Hitler – He’s a ledgend. He’s got ah funny, wee ‘tash. An’ he does the li’le poin’y waave.

Charlie Sheen – Ah don’ eevan ‘ardly knoo who he is. Bu’ he’s funney if he can get drugged up and drunk an get famous. Quite class, actually. Might give it a try.

Elvis Presley – Ah don’ like ‘im ’cause ‘is songs are shit. An’ he dances like ah pure bender.

Osama bin Laden – He’s a wee dick. Ah don’ think he’s eevan really dead. Wan’ he dead like, a ‘undred times before?

Jesus of Nazareth – Hate ‘im. He’s just not eevan real. I like ‘is wee sandals. They’re funny. ‘Is wee, Jesus sandals. Bu’ nahh. Fake dick.

Not much explanation beyond that… But there we go. Splendid.