Monthly Archives: May 2011

You Don’t Mess With The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Okay… so you all remember the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: the campy cartoons, and slightly-less-campy comics, about the anthropomorphic warrior turtles with their rat master, Splinter, right? And do you all remember the primary antagonist of the franchise: the evil samurai looking chap ominously referred to as ‘Shredder‘? Well for those of you that do, but […]

The World According to a Crazy Scottish Girl – An Interview with Jayde Campbell

I decided to interview Jayde, a young scottish girl I work with, about her thoughts on a few famous figures… And yes, it is as hard to read as she is to understand.

Barrack & Dave: Behind The Scenes

Set during Barrack Obama’s May 2011 state visit to Britain, this transcript was taken once all the cameras had been switched off and President Obama and British Prime Minister David Cameron were given a moment to relax.

Conversations with Ian – A Short Compilation

A lovely one to get us started… Ian: Why are people so thick today? Lot of thick people around. Is it thick Sunday? Felix: It’s thursday, Ian.

Dear Charlie Sheen…

Mr Sheen, I regret to inform you that I am having to revoke the use of the term ‘winning’ from the lexicon of you, and every other individual who propagates it’s use. This decision has been made based on a refusal to allow a famous and/or mental person to simply say a word in, quite […]

What a Match-Up

This is a fight I would seriously pay to see. God, I hate the British media. Also… “Your HATE”? I have no hate for this, I don’t give half a fuck about it whatsoever! Don’t try to force me to hate stuff! I have enough trouble with people who say ‘expresso’ instead of ‘espresso’.

What would you rather – A Short List of Hypothetical Questions

Herein lies a list of silly hypothetical questions; the kind of tedious, banal, utterly pointless questions that you had really ought to get used to if ever you intend to spend more than roughly four minutes in approximate vicinity (not that you would). Also, feel free to leave any comments and/or answers and justifications, as well […]

An Open Letter to Dicks…

Dear Dicks, I have recently come across one of your kind and shall address him thusly…

Osama: The REAL Story

A friend at work alerted me to a terrifying story he found in The Sun (the most reliable of sources) today, so I grudgingly ambled over to see the following harrowing headline…

Dear Heavenly Father… Just a couple of quick questions…

In the spirit of the recently passed Easter festivities, I just wanted to ask a few quick questions, as there are a couple of Easter aspects that I don’t quite understand. Any comments explaining things to me would be most welcome!

Osama 2: The Revenge of bin Laden’s Apprentice

SUN EDITOR: Now what, guys? Osama is dead… His final will has been released. We needed a personification of evil and global hatred like him to force down the throats of anyone unfortunate enough to see one of our front pages. What are we going to do now?? We can’t just stop the rampant over-zealous […]

The Final Will and Testament of Osama bin Mohammed bin Awad bin Laden

(This is a translation of a letter that was found amongst Osama bin Laden‘s personal effects, with the instructions that it be released in the event of his death) Dear Everyone, If this letter has been released, I guess it means that I’m dead. Bummer. Probably killed in some gritty, action-packed Navy Seal shootout… Or […]

You know you have completely lost your mind when…

I barely know where to start with this. My day has just been insane. I guess I should do a quick recap to (try to) make it make any sense to anyone reading… Although I doubt I’ll have too much luck as it makes fuck all sense to me, and I was there! Basically, the […]

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