Monthly Archives: April 2011

Jade Goody Fucking Two Shoes

My word, it’s been a long week, with 6 days in a row of busy 12 hour shifts at work, and as such I haven’t found the time to complain about anything on here for a few days… but as luck would have it, I stumbled across something just about annoying enough to spark my […]

A Few Sights from the Day’s Travels

Well, I had a little wander into the great wide open today, expecting to stumble across the sort of daft and bizarre nonsense that one usually finds on any innocuous outing… and so, dear readers, I give you today’s wonders: First up, we have a lovely Galaxy Milk Drink. The (1%) bit denotes that apparently […]

The Service Station Graveyard

Right, so tonight, my girlfriend Rebecca and I were on our way back from Lancaster at about midnight, making the long drive home… When all of a sudden, hunger struck. Hard. “Services: 2 Miles” Fucking brilliant… And don’t think I didn’t see that Burger King sign. It is, of course, the worst of the fast […]

Life’s Greatest Mysteries: Revealed

I was sitting on a tram in Manchester tonight, when I noticed three signs across the side of the carriage.

The Biggest ‘Twin’ Disaster since The Towers

These days, there is so much bullshit about this apparent uprising in Libya and the silly little mishap in Japan, as well as all the dull nonsense about the crippled global economy… So it’s nice to know that some newspapers have the integrity to report on the stories that really matter.

Conversations with Ian – The Mysteries of the Universe

FELIX: Okay, tell me something that you don’t understand about the universe. IAN: … Uranus. FELIX: No, really… IAN: Summat’ ah don’t understand? Women… Oh, an’ do fish piss in the sea and bears shit in the woods. Now that is a question. FELIX: No… It isn’t. Come on, out of everything in reality, what do you really […]

image April 05

The Scent of an Angel

A small boy is walking home with some groceries in an Italian village, when he stops and stares at an amazing ray of light in the sky. We see the golden clouds part as a figure falls, literally from the heavens, crashing down into a restaurant table, presumably injuring some bystanders. Everyone, little boy included, […]

They’re not just fast… They’re Fucking Furious

I know what you’re all thinking… “There just isn’t enough hard, sweaty, brooding, overly masculine, strong-jawed men in the Fast and Furious franchise!” Well don’t worry, guys… they brought in The Rock for the newest instalment to add a bit of realistic manliness to the effeminate, and apparently never ending, movie chain.

Why-clef Jean?

This is basically just a little statement of fact for anyone who hadn’t heard. You know Wyclef Jean? The guy who used to be a fairly famous R&B ‘musician’? He did that “Just ’cause she dances go-go, it don’t make her a ho, no” song. Well, in 2010, shortly after the disastrous earthquake, he put […]

Conversations with Ian – Boobie Juice

After seeing a news report about a dairy farm.   FELIX: You don’t really think about it… But actually seeing them extracting milk makes it seem so much more disgusting. IAN: What… Squeezin’ tits? FELIX: Well… Yeah. Just seeing it come straight from an animal, and splatting into a dirty looking jar. IAN: You don’t like boobies? […]

207490_10150159952191497_3572633_n April 01

Conversations With Ian – Airport Island

Talking about the frozen airport runways during the winter. IAN: Why, right… don’t they just do, like… underfloor heating to heat up the runways so they don’t get all frozen. FELIX: What, just dig up every runway in the country? Because it would cost millions and interfere with all the flights for months or years […]

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