Upon telling my girlfriend that I’d gotten her a present:

Posted by Felix O'Shea on

Becky: What is it?

Me: I’m not telling you.

Becky: Socks?

Me: No.

Becky: A book? I hope it’s not a book. I don’t like books.

Me: It’s not a book.

Becky: A fake hand for when I lose mine?

Me: No.

Becky: Plastic apple pie?

Me: Nope.

Becky: A wig for when you stress me out so much I get alopecia?

Me: It’ll be here in a couple of days, just wait.

Becky: Dentures for when I lose my teeth?

Me: No.

Becky: Stick on nipples to make me look like a freak?

Me: Nu-uh.

Becky: Elephant foot shoes to make really suspicious footprints?

Me: N… No?

Becky: A teacup for my invisible friend who isn’t talking to me at the moment?

Me: Okay, yes. That one. Why not.

Today I realised that my day becomes a lot funnier if I picture my boss as a Dalek from Doctor Who when he starts yelling at me.

Posted by Felix O'Shea on

20130509-224911.jpg

Boss: HAVE YOU COMPLETED YOUR TASK OF CLEANING OUT THE STOCK ROOM?

Me: Oh, sorry… I got sidetracked with the -

Boss: I COMMANDED YOU TO CLEAN OUT THE STOCK ROOM. YOU HAVE NOT DONE AS I COMMANDED. YOU MUST OBEY. OBEY. OBEY.

Me: I, okay – I will, I just have to -

Boss: YOU HAVE NOT DONE AS I COMMANDED. YOU MUST OBEY. OBEY. OBEY.

Me: I was busy counting the money in the tip jar!

Boss: THAT IS THE WORK OF THE ASSISTANT MANAGER. YOU ARE NOT THE ASSISTANT MANAGER.

Me: Okay, I’ll do it in a second, but I’m just in the middle of -

Boss: YOU DEFY ME ONCE MORE. I MUST EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINAAAATE.

Me: Uh, okay… I’m fired, right? Is that what that means?

Boss: EXTERMINAAAATE.