Becky: What is it?
Me: I’m not telling you.
Becky: A book? I hope it’s not a book. I don’t like books.
Me: It’s not a book.
Becky: A fake hand for when I lose mine?
Becky: Plastic apple pie?
Becky: A wig for when you stress me out so much I get alopecia?
Me: It’ll be here in a couple of days, just wait.
Becky: Dentures for when I lose my teeth?
Becky: Stick on nipples to make me look like a freak?
Becky: Elephant foot shoes to make really suspicious footprints?
Me: N… No?
Becky: A teacup for my invisible friend who isn’t talking to me at the moment?
Me: Okay, yes. That one. Why not.
Co-worker: I really like the song that’s playing at the moment. Who sings it?
Me: *sigh* I don’t know, some tedious douchebag with an acoustic guitar and no sense of originality.
Boss: HAVE YOU COMPLETED YOUR TASK OF CLEANING OUT THE STOCK ROOM?
Me: Oh, sorry… I got sidetracked with the -
Boss: I COMMANDED YOU TO CLEAN OUT THE STOCK ROOM. YOU HAVE NOT DONE AS I COMMANDED. YOU MUST OBEY. OBEY. OBEY.
Me: I, okay – I will, I just have to -
Boss: YOU HAVE NOT DONE AS I COMMANDED. YOU MUST OBEY. OBEY. OBEY.
Me: I was busy counting the money in the tip jar!
Boss: THAT IS THE WORK OF THE ASSISTANT MANAGER. YOU ARE NOT THE ASSISTANT MANAGER.
Me: Okay, I’ll do it in a second, but I’m just in the middle of -
Boss: YOU DEFY ME ONCE MORE. I MUST EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINAAAATE.
Me: Uh, okay… I’m fired, right? Is that what that means?
*Drunk Guy wanders up to me in the bar*
Drunk Guy: Hey you, buddy; what’s your name?
Me: Uhh… It’s Felix.
Becky: I want to draw a Tyrannosaurus rex trying to make a bed.
Me: … … …
Becky: I need a pen!
Me: You are the most crazy.
Becky: I’m having thoughts!